The following is a challenge from a great website called “{W}rite of Passage.” The author of the site challenges writers to work on polishing specific skills within the craft of writing. This is my first entry. The topic is on “Dialogue”. I hope you enjoy it!
“I just feel so bad,” she said with a worried sigh as she plopped down on her chair clutching her bag of Subway sandwiches.
Tears were welling. He was getting nervous.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, trying not to show any hints of panic in his somewhat wavering voice.
“I completely freaked out on Sawyer today. I just had a conversation at Solomon’s Mommy and Me class about how stay-at-home moms like us often lose it. Heck, all moms for that matter. But it seems the stay-at-home kind have a shorter fuse so this came up among us. I love being real with other moms and it makes me feel so normal and possibly gives me hope that maybe our kids won’t be in therapy for the rest of their lives because of my actions” she answered.
“I felt better after talking with the other moms so I completely shocked myself when I lost it with Sawyer. I only had ten minutes after Solomon and I got home before I had to take Susannah to school and he was an utter nightmare and – ”
“Let me guess – he started screaming, crying, and throwing a fit?” he interrupted.
“Precisely. I reached for Susannah’s Leapster, which he had taken from her room, and he pulled it away. It then became a game and for some reason, this set me off. I lost it. I yelled and swatted his bottom. You know I am not a big spanker and I don’t believe you should ever spank while angry and I did. I scared him. I almost crossed a line and I’m so upset with myself.”
The tears came this time in earnest.
“I’ve done it before, too,” he answered. “I’m just glad to know you are not always the pillar of strength parent I think you are.”
“I’m most certainly not. I worry so much about him since he is the middle child. He was only six months old when I found out I was pregnant with Solomon so I sometimes worry I didn’t spend enough time with him. He had to grow up faster than I would have liked because I was so busy with the baby and this guilt weighs on me. I know maybe it shouldn’t, but it does.”
“What do you think we need to do about it?” he asked.
She sat in the cluttered office with a faraway look in her eyes and quietly began unwrapping their sandwiches.
His stomach was grumbling and he had only ten minutes before he was needed elsewhere.
“Just eat for now, ” she replied. “Let’s talk about it tonight.”
Hi.
You are a good writer and that is a vivid conversation.
I’m visiting through (W)rite-Of-Passage and just submitted my attempted dialogue writing.
Nice to meet you, hope to see you sometime.
.-= Ocean Girl´s last blog ..Happiness Is A Warm Gun =-.
This is very good! The emotion and dialogue excellent! So good, in fact, that I can’t tell if this is fictional, or based on a real series of events. You’ve accurately (and bravely!) captured that moment in every parent where they ‘loose it’… and feel horrible for doing so. And good for you! For putting it out there, sharing it with us. Because everyone treats it as a dirty little secret when, really, even the best of parents need to know they’re not alone. Heck… I totally related to this and I don’t even have kids… but I once lost it on my cat (yes, my cat… but in my defence she was being VERY bad, lol) and yelled the unthinkable… “you ruin everything”. Heaven almighty, I felt so horrible that all I could think of is what a wretched mother I would make. And as I told my (lame) story to my friends… the ones with children relayed stories similar to yours… although not nearly as eloquently.
Thanks for sharing… great job! A wonderful first {W}rite-of-Passage!
.-= Last Girl Standing´s last blog ..{W}rite-of-Passage: A Conversation with God =-.
Thank you so much for your feedback. It is so great to hear words of encouragement and ways to get better as a writer so I really appreciate your feedback. I love your blog and I think you are hysterical – I will keep up with you!
Nicely portrayed. It sounded like it could have been a real conversation.
.-= patois´s last blog ..The Weekly Wonderings #140 =-.
It was. :)
Hi
Found you at write of passage. Wonderful job capturing the moment. I can certainly relate and I only have one. I work away from the home and I htink your right that stay at home mom’s have it a little tougher as even though I am going to work it is a break from whining and crying. Many Mondays I am glad to head out the door.Of course by Tuesday I want to stay home with my munchkin!