Here it starts, friends. I promised I would begin to share my “wild ride” life story. It’s not going to be pretty much of the time but I do promise to always be honest and real. I might omit certain details if I feel it could hurt someone else but there won’t be many occasions in which I have to do so. Enjoy.
Once upon a time a very much-wanted baby girl was born to a young, 25 year old mother who had been anxiously awaiting her arrival. Her grandfather, the mother’s father, brought her into this world at a small, midwestern hospital (he was a doctor and delivered most of the babies in in the county during that time) on September 6, 1973. As she slid out of her mother’s womb, facedown, her grandfather, whose hands were the first human hands to ever touch her, announced to the delivery room “It’s a boy!”
The new mother was happy – she was fine with having either a boy or a girl. However, as she would later admit, there was a quick twinge of guilt because deep down, as much as she hated to admit it, she had secretly been hoping for a girl. With that, the mother’s father, her baby’s grandfather, said “Oh, wait. I was very wrong. It’s a girl!” to which the mother had to see for herself. It was indeed the little girl she had so wished she would have. Apparently the baby girl’s narrow heinie looked more like a baby boy’s heinie than a baby girl’s heinie.
The baby was a miracle. Of course, all babies are miracles but this one was maybe a double-miracle. The mother and her husband had been trying unsuccessfully to conceive for a while and grew discouraged when they learned that her husband would ever be able to have children of his own. Hearing of a relatively new procedure, the mother headed off to see a well-known fertility doctor to discuss her options. She wanted to know more about the possibility of artifical insemination.
The doctor discussed the options with the couple and they decided to try this new thing out. It worked. They were thrilled. Nine months later, the baby girl was born. As you might have guessed by now, the baby girl was me.
I didn’t find out this strange detail until later in my life when I was twelve. When my mother shared this information with me, it began to make sense in my mind as my father had at times made comments such as “Well… maybe you are mine after all” when he laughed at the dirty skivvies I kept randomly in my weekend suitcase instead of tucking them away in a separate compartment. (For the record, I do not do that anymore. Whew.)
At the time, I thought this was rather strange but I was probably seven years old when he said it. There were many things I didn’t understand about grown-ups then.
I’ve often had people ask if I would ever be interested in finding the sperm donor who is responsible for my birth.
Yes. I would like to just see him. I also want to know about his medical history. Especially now that I have children of my own.
However, I don’t desire a relationship with him in the least. He didn’t sign on for that part of fatherhood. He assisted another couple who wanted a baby – fair and square.
My mother shared that she arrived at her “conception appointment” a little bit early and a young, handsome, blonde man with blue eyes was exiting the office.
She felt like he was the one.
I think she also said he was a medical student. Also for the record, I most certainly did not get the science gene he must possess.
I have to be real and admit that it’s a little strange to have 50% of my genetic makeup be a complete mystery. It’s true that my hair is lighter than my mother’s and my eyes are a deep blue to her green.
But this is all I know.
A few years ago, Super Oprah did a show on children who had been conceived via artificial insemination. Though easier to locate the sperm donors these days, it is darn near impossible to do so from as far back as 1973.
It was a pretty new procedure at the time. Records were not great. Confidentiality was huge.
I also know that there are some who believe that artificial insemination is morally objectionable and that those conceived in such a manner are not legitimately created by God.
I don’t believe there is a single soul, born in however way, that qualifies as “not made by God.” But that’s just me.
Truthfully? I just thank God that He gave my mother the courage to seek a way to have a child. Exactly how God intended for her child to be.
Oh my. Am I ever thankful.
That seems like a lot to grasp at age 12. It’s like finding out you’re adopted, but not. I’ve never heard anyone say that artificial insemination made babies that weren’t created by God. That seems silly, but there’s a lot of that around I suppose. I can understand wanting to see your father and know the medical history – that’s why they have medical histories with the donor sperm these days. I can also understand wanting to be anonymous as a donor. It’s a tough situation, but at least you had a mom and a dad to love you no matter where the DNA came from.
.-= Joey´s last blog ..Dreams come true, one big cookie at a time =-.
First time at your blog, stopping by from SITS. What a great day to come! I loved this post and think you have an amazing attitude about the whole thing. I often wonder what I would have done if my husband and I hadn’t been able to have kids on our own. When you do have your own kids you can make all the proclamations in the world about the “right way” and “wrong way” to make a family, but until you have a problem, you really don’t qualify to say much. I think you’re right – everyone is “made by God”.
Thanks, Cyndi! So glad you stopped by – you hit it just on the right day, for sure! :) HA! Talk about starting to reveal some dirt…I hit the ground running with just my conception!
I agree – we cannot ever say what we would and would not do until we have experienced something first-hand. Reality changes everything.
Thank you so much for reading!
You know, I think I was actually closer to 14 once I really thought about it. But still. Not sure that two years makes a big difference or not.
I only want to see him for curiosity’s sake and of course, his medical history. I ABSOLUTELY understand wanting to remain anonymous as a donor; however, I do believe it should be made easier to find said person for a medical history update periodically. Many times sperm donors are young pups (usually college age or studying for an advanced degree) and their own medical histories have yet to unfold at the time of donation.
Thanks so much for reading and for leaving a comment!
This hits so unbelievably close to home for me. One of the newest members of my extended family was born via this method and he is a miracle in every way, shape and form and we could not possibly love him more.
Your mother made the right decision and I would have done the very same thing given her situation.
Sadie at heyMamas
.-= Sadie at heyMamas´s last blog ..Waaahhhhh =-.
I think she made the right decision, too…:)
How great to have a new little person in your family through this method. Whatever it takes to have your miracle is what I say.
Thanks for reading, Sadie!
Such an interesting post. I always thought we would adopt, but I am reluctant because I worry about the child wanting to find its “real family” one day. It’s certainly not the same, but I do think there is an incredible pull to understand your biology. Did knowing about this change your feelings toward your dad? How does he feel about your possibly locating the donor? Thanks for sharing.
.-= Brooke´s last blog ..Toddlerhood, trains, and tantrums =-.
Hi, Brooke! Thanks for reading!
To answer your questions: 1) No, this did not change my relationship with my birth-certificate father. He is a big part of my story that will be in the future so if you hang with me a little bit, you will understand where I am coming from and 2) He is no longer living.
I must be honest and say that I have never given real thought to finding the donor. I’m not sure why. I just don’t know – still sorting this one out. It is not the biggest part of me and truthfully, in my overall story, this is a minor piece so I don’t really think of it too much at this point. But I might in the future. We shall see…
Again, I believe however you obtain your children is just part of your journey and story. There is no “right” or “wrong” way (well maybe there is a “wrong” way – I don’t think I would suggest purchase on the black market…). I also don’t think a biological connection is a prerequisite for a family hence why it did not change my feelings towards my dad.
Thanks again for reading, Brooke, and of course, thanks for you comment!
Enjoyed reading your story. I am also ‘donor’ conceived back in the 1960’s – always rather neutral about it – or really more confused by how to feel about it. Then after having children of my own I realized what it is that I lost by never knowing my father – what both of us lost. I am not supportive to this practice for this reason and I have never heard anyone – ever – even remotely suggest that a child conceived this way is not from/of God. But then again, I’m not a follower of any religion :)
.-= Karen´s last blog ..Lauren Burns ‘donor’ conceived perspective =-.
Wow. Someone else? I don’t come across many with my story but sometimes I wonder if it is because people conceived in this manner are just reluctant to talk about it. Your site is very interesting, Karen.
I am also fairly netural about it. Truthfully, I always thought that the donors were just trying to help couples who could not conceive the old-fashioned way. Maybe I am seeing this with too many rainbows and unicorns but this is kind of how I have always felt about it.
I think I should clarify that I have only heard criticism from die-hard supporters of anti-fertility treatment procedures. This is an extremist group and not indicative of what most people believe. Thank God.
Thanks for reading and commenting, Karen. I truly appreciate your perspective.
Ya know what would be good right now? GOD, god and her big glorious honkerbonkers
I think that is just wild to think this conception would not be part of God’s plan.. then saving someone from cancer thru medical procedured wouldn’t be either? come on.. I just cringe when churchy people get all high and mighty like that and JUDGE. ugh.
well, what a great story to share.. I bet at 12 that was a lot to take in.. to comprehend.. and now that you’re all grown up.. still something to ponder.. but God gave you parents that love and raised you. He had a hand in it the whole time. can’t wait for part 2..
.-= Elizabeth´s last blog ..every day should be full of love: =-.
Hi, Elizabeth! I just commented on this in Karen’s reply but I want to say it again – I was too vague when I wrote the part about those who do not support artificial insemination. There is a faction of people who believe that any kind of fertility assistance is morally wrong but I must also state that this is a rather extreme view and the average human does not take it. I also read that there were moral objections from a certain religious group because it involved, gasp, masturbation. This just made me giggle, of course.
Oh well, I say. Oh well. Now is that just not quote-worthy or what? HA.
Thanks for reading Elizabeth – part two will be early next week!
Followed your blog over here from your facebook page. Your kids are gorgeous but you have always been so no doubt you would have gorgeous kids. High school seems so long ago so it’s great to see what people are up to via facebook. Can’t wait to continue to follow your story as I love your writing style- some of your posts have made me chuckle.
Lisa. What a sweetheart you are. Thank you for your kind words – they made my day. Thank you for your kind words and for taking the time to read my blog. I am humbled and grateful to you.
Oh my…and I am so glad you’re here too! I agree…every living soul is created by God. Your words are a blessing to many–including ME and the cool thing is, GOd knew that (and planned it) LONG before either of us was EVER born!!! =)
.-= MandyP´s last blog .."Not Me" Monday =-.
Sweet, Mandy. The same, of course, to you. The thing is, what you are doing is beyond comprehension. You are honoring your husband’s first wife in a way that is such an unbelievable tribute to her. What a woman of grace and class God had planned for your sweet husband. I love you more and more.
Thank you for reading and for commenting, dear friend. You are precious to me.
Well you are definitely a miracle! : ) This was so interesting to read! I don’t think I’ve ever read something like this written from your perspective! Thanks for sharing!
.-= Joye´s last blog ..first love, first glance =-.
What a wonderful decision your mom made because you are a wonderful person/Aunt! I never knew this fact about you, but you are so brave for putting it all out there. I look forward to reading more!
Thank you sweet Ashley.
That is too cool! I think it is something that makes you quite unique. On to read the rest of the story…Stopping by from SITS.
.-= Melissa Papaj Photography´s last blog ..Close-Up Portraits – Utah Headshot Photographer =-.
I think so, too…Kinda a twist in the normal birth story, eh? :) Thanks for stopping in!
oh wow! This was very interesting to read! Whatever anyone’s opinions are, you ARE HERE!! And, you belong to HIM!! He knew your beginning and your end, and He has the perfect plan and purposes for your life… and I, for one, am so thankful that He gave you life, however it came about.
If you are not made by God, you must be a robot lol… (and I know you’re not… I have never seen a beautiful robot before ;) )
.-= Amanda´s last blog ..Word filled Wednesday =-.