Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not turn from it.
– Proverbs 22:6
Please excuse me for a moment as I hop on my little soap box and share that I think kids are just way too overscheduled these days. My gut told me this a while ago, however, recently that gut feeling was confirmed by Po Bronson and Ashley Merriman in their book Nurture Shock. A friend of mine told me about this read and if you are ever around children, you must RUN to your nearest bookseller and purchase it right away. It’s not just us, eitiher – the book was just selected as Books for Better Life’s “Best Parenting/Childcare Book of 2010.” In a nutshell, they state that children are in far too many activities and are stressed and tired. A separate chapter on fatique is included and I personally believe this is simply a byproduct of being overscheduled – children are tired and cannot adequately process new information because they are just in too much stuff. They’re no longer allowed to just be kids and play.
I’ve heard the argument about getting our children in a lesson every night and scheduling every single little minute so they have no time to just “be” but I’m not buying it. Many say that they disagree with scheduling their children so much but they also don’t want them to be behind the other children whose parents are doing the same thing they are. We start the competition early but does the best man always win? I think not.
Instead we create a group of children who are frustrated. Depressed. Envious. It’s not me, folks – research is pointing to this as well.
What I keep coming back to is the fact that what I want for my children, what I think is critical for them to know, aren’t necessarily taught in a “lesson every night”. Sure, activities are fun and each of my children partake in ONE AT A TIME. But what I really want them to know is kindness. Compassion. Love. Encouragement of the underdog. Respect. Love of nature. Taking care of the planet God gave them. They can practice these traits everywhere – yes, in extracurriculars but get in too many of those and you just don’t even see the good anymore. You just know you are tired and need some time to unwind.
How do we feel, as adults, when we are overscheduled? I am stressed. Edgy. Overwhelmed. Tired. I just want to go up into my bedroom until it all passes.
We went on a nature walk this morning. Susannah was in her sparkly cheerleader outfit and Solomon well…he wanted to stay in his dinosaur jammies so I let him. When you have time to be, just really be, here’s what you will find:
Spring daffodils that bloom for such a short time
A court filled with so many trucks a young boy can’t stand the excitement…
Dandelions ready for a bouquet for mommy
Heck, even a sewer drain is fascinating. Eww…
But exactly my point – how will we ever know what our children like, what they don’t like, if we never just “be” with them in unstructured time? When else would Solomon be able to stop and look at a sewer drain? What dendrites are firing as he rubs his finger against the writing, as he feels the rust?
I want to train my children to be still. To not always be in a hurry. To pick dandelions. To look at trucks. Even to touch the tops of sewer drains.
Because if not now, when?
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Hi, Natalie! First of all thanks for the follow and the compliments. Right back atcha. ;)
I love what you have posted here. So true! As parents we desire success for our children, but we have to keep in mind what true success is and train them for that.
Thank you for this timely thought!
.-= GlowinGirl´s last blog ..He Delights in You (WORD-Filled Wednesdays) =-.
So true… I agree with you, “But what I really want them to know is kindness. Compassion. Love. Encouragement of the underdog. Respect. Love of nature. Taking care of the planet God gave them. They can practice these traits everywhere – yes, in extracurricular but get in too many of those and you just don’t even see the good anymore.”
Thanks for the reminder that we all need to slow down & Just be… this reminds me of our precious Father tapping me on the shoulder not too long ago. I’d unfortunately came down with pneumonia after a bought of the flu and realized I needed to BE STILL & know (REALLY KNOW) that He is God! He can do ALL THINGS! And He supplies ALL my needs, cares for little ol’ me, and directs my path! We do need to slow down & enjoy the daffodils, & even the sewer drains too.
Hugs, HL
.-= Heather´s last blog ..WFW – Mark 16:2 =-.
Hello from one Natalie to another! Stopped by from SITS!! Have a wonderful day!
.-= Natalie @ Hope Springs Eternal´s last blog ..Monday Melodies – New Weekly Feature of HSE =-.
You are oh, so right on this one.
We have always had a “one activity at a time” rule for each kid. Last spring, flag football and baseball overlapped by a few weeks, with practices and games that would take up almost every night of the week. Although it was not a popular decision, we made Elijah choose one. (Baseball was the winner.)
I have several friends who drive their kids from one event to another after school, eating and doing homework on the road, with the kids never getting any downtime at all. Pretty soon they won’t even know HOW to play…I feel so bad for the kids, and for the parents thinking they must compete in this way.
Our times of playing in that darn creek and the patch of woods behind our house, going on nature hikes at the YMCA or at a local park…these are the times my kids get to just BE. Gabe’s curious mind, asking “Did God make every one of these flowers? Those trees? That bug?”. I love it!
.-= Heather´s last blog ..A little spark =-.
Right on……..
could not agree more.
Yes I think that children need exposure to things that will nurture a talent such as sport or piano or art or dancing……but they need to be children.
I began my teaching back in the “60’s and I had huge classes up to 50 one year and I had the youngest third of the intake….so mine were 4.5yrs of age. And while they ended up at the same level at the end of the year with the other two grades we took longer to get there and we had more play and more experiences….
They loved school but it was a happy fun place, strict but loving and fair….and they blossomed……far more than the over stimulated 6 yr olds tend to do today when they have so much but also missed out on that lovely peak of learning that comes around the 4.5 yrs.
Lovely photos.
.-= ozjane´s last blog ..WORD FILLED WEDNESDAY : The stone’s been rolled away =-.
Well put, Natalie. I’m glad I took the time to read this today..I’ve been so busy but this is just what I needed to hear!
I completely agree. Especially with more than one child in the household. I can’t imagine scheduling all three of my lovelies into various activities. Then kids are stressed and so is mommy. No one is happy. I want my children to enjoy being home, relaxing, and spending quality time playing in the yard. I do see the value in being involved in something they love, and on that note, I plan on my kids being able to choose one activity they’d like to try. If it’s a different one each year, fine with me.
Thanks for always having posts that make me think about life and the way I go about it! :)
.-= Alison´s last blog ..struttin’ our stuff =-.
So true! We need more mommies like you!
I wrote a post about this last week. I completely agree!
.-= Michelle´s last blog ..♥Easter was Fabulous :) =-.
Excellent post. Being a mom of 4 grown children, let me tell you, the time that you have those precious ones is like a blink of an eye. Enjoy them to the fullest measure. They are such immensely precious gifts. Thanks for sharing. Blessings!
.-= Mary´s last blog ..WFW =-.
Soooooo true…and as a mom of pre teens and teens now, it’s even MORE important that we help them “deschedule” themselves so that we can continue to guide them on the journey…so many are sadly over scheduled that they barely spend time with the family…
What a wonderful reminder!
peace!
lori
this is such good stuff. it wasn’t that long ago when I thought I had to be in this group, and that club, and not miss out on doing any of that let alone having my kid in something.. it was like it was all for appearances.. to be SEEN at these activities and events instead of just to BE. about a year and a half ago, we pulled out of everything.. its amazing how we now relish in the company of our family.. the simple things we do with just us.. we’re not stressed.. there is no worry about what others think.. we just be. and yes, in the calm we can hear God so much clearer now! love those pics.. the jammies.. etc. these are the moments we turn into memories!
.-= Elizabeth´s last blog ..Our Sunday best =-.
Wow this is a greta post…thanks for sharing…happy WFW! Mine is up.
.-= life’s journey´s last blog ..Word-filled Wednesday =-.
Very well said! It’s a good reminder for all parents to let kids just be kids.
.-= Michelle´s last blog ..Not Me! Monday – day after Easter =-.
thanks for such an encouraging post today!
Cute pictures and verse ~ Blessings ~
.-= Cathy´s last blog ..Word Filled Wednesday =-.
Well said, well said. I see both ends of the spectrum as a teacher. BOth can be equally sad.
.-= sara@domesticallychallenged´s last blog ..Wordy Wednesday =-.
Hi
I agree…
some of the best learning my homeschooled kids have had was by “accident” a divine accident as we poked around and bumped into fun learning experiences.
Thanks 4 sharing ur day!
WFW
.-= Lois of HisFireKids´s last blog ..Word Filled Wednesdays – Hope for the Housing Market =-.
Hi
I agree…
some of the best learning my homeschooled kids have had was by “accident” a divine accident as we poked around and bumped into fun learning experiences.
Thanks 4 sharing ur day!
Happy WFW
.-= Lois of HisFireKids´s last blog ..Word Filled Wednesdays – Hope for the Housing Market =-.
Couldn’t agree more but I will say it gets harder as they get older to keep it to a minimum. But I certainly did when they were little.
Sadie at heyMamas
oooh, love a great smelling room! so envious that you have scentsy :)
.-= cheri´s last blog ..hamming it up with the boys =-.