Let me explain.
Susannah and Sawyer were close enough in age to enjoy the same television programs – Baby Einstein, Elmo, Teletubbies (shudder).
Solomon has rarely seen any of these because he watches what the olders watch but when the olders were his age, they had no idea that the “Backyardigans” “Yo Gabba Gabba”, and “Diego” even existed. They had a lack of awareness.
For the record, Sawyer is 100% potty trained. Yes, it actually happened – he changed his mind and instead of saying “he would never, ever use the big boy potty” he gave it a whirl and it stuck. Joyful am I to have only one in diapers now.
During our training, he earned various toys when he reached a certain spot on his chart but I told him when he was officially done and he was in full-fledged underpants, we would take a trip the toy store and he could purchase whatever he wanted (within reason, of course.) I am not above bribery. I called it his “celebration prize” to make myself feel better but I won’t lie – it was bribery.
Sweet Sawyer loves our neighbor’s Barbie Jeep that can actually be driven by little people. He thinks he looks cooler than cool but it’s bright pink and purple – not particularly masculine.
He stated while driving in the family truckster the other day that he wanted a “monster truck like the Barbie car”. Translation? A more “boyish” vehicle he could drive with a friend in tow.
He got one. An Arctic Cat with a shovel on the hood for when he has to stop and work on various projects in the neighborhood. You never know when you might need your shovel.
But the sad thing is that sweet little 22 month old Solomon wants nothing more than to drive that sucker and he just can’t yet. He’s not ready – he doesn’t know how. He has to sit in the passenger seat for a little while before he can be the driver.
Once again, his siblings didn’t even know that Arctic Cats existed at his age. They had the gift of a lack of awareness.
Sometimes a lack of awareness can be a good thing – my olders didn’t necessarily ever NEED to know that there were other shows on T.V. and they certainly never needed to know about Arctic Cats.
And other times, a lack of awareness can be a bad thing – ignorance regarding social issues, understanding faith, and the safety of our children to name a few.
But the most difficult part for me these days?
Acceptance of my disappointment and placing it all in His hands.
I once regarded disappointment as just something that happens to us all – a normal emotion felt and experienced by everyone in the human race. I was crossing through a room today during our Mother’s Day celebration at my Meemo’s house and I heard her tell my 17 year old second cousin that “you can’t have everything.” No truer words have ever been spoken.
If you can’t have everything, then it’s a guarantee you will experience disappointment at some point in your life.
But now? Now I see disappointment as God simply saying “No, dear one. Not now. You’re not ready for what you are trying to take on. Equip yourself for a bit then let’s talk in a few months. Or years. Because remember – it’s on my time, sweet one. My time, not yours.”
I used to be able to not know this about God. I had a lack of awareness. I didn’t know that He calls us to do things for him at different times that often don’t resemble what we had in mind in the least or when we had planned to do it for that matter.
I didn’t know that the closed doors were actually shut by Him.
But I also didn’t know that the opened doors were done so by Him either.
I had a lack of awareness.
Like Solomon, there are some things we are just not ready to do. We need to spend some more time equipping ourselves so we can effectively do what we set out to do instead of leaping right in and find that months down the road, we are standing in a pile of sludge.
The boys and I often stay and play at Susannah’s school after we drop her off for preschool in the afternoon. Last Friday, the elementary students were out and two teachers were twirling a jump rope for the students to jump “double dutch” style should they choose to do so. Amid the chorus of “Cinderella dressed in yella”, I noticed Solomon standing at the sidelines, watching intently and swaying a bit to the catchy jingle of the song. He wanted nothing more than to join in. I could see it in his little eyes – he wore a sheepish grin and the twinkle in his gaze was as intense as a predator’s on it’s prey.
Sensing he didn’t really know how to do this game, he simply started to jump in place where he was. He was practicing for the day in which he might be able to join is this classic game but also giving it a whirl to see if perhaps he was ready to play this tough game.
But you know what? He was just as happy to jump there on the sidelines as I suspect he would have been to actually join in.
So indeed joy can be found in the waiting. The holding cell. The equipping period. Because it’s only when our lack of awareness turns to awareness that we can really own it and make transformative change.
In the meantime, I’ll jump on the sidelines.
But not Solomon – he is our “fast forward” baby. I feel like he is constantly hitting the fast forward button of his development meter