Today was a day in which I was running through hell in gasoline panties.  I wish not to ever repeat this day again.  Don’t let the door hit you on the way out, June 3.  Buh-bye.

I am sucked dry.  You can’t give out what you don’t have and I don’t have it right now.

I’ll have it again soon. I’ll spare some of the details of the last 12 hours but let me share a little bit of why I am in such a funk.

My day started with Sawyer coming to my room and showing me the poo that was crusted under his fingernails.  He informed me that he pooped his pants.  Obviously.

This is now the fifth time this has happened this week.  I’m growing weary of it.

I grew even wearier when I walked into his room to find it smeared on his walls.  Lest I remind you that it was 8:00 a.m. and I had yet to have a cup of coffee?

Let’s just say that if mama aint happy, aint nobody happy.  Nobody was happy.

I washed sheets.  Cleaned the poop off of the walls.  Cleaned the poop from underneath Sawyer’s fingernails with a toothpick.  I secretly wanted it to hurt.  (Wait.  Did I just write that?)  For the record, it didn’t.  Please don’t report me to CPS.

We somehow managed to eat breakfast and I was able to unload the dishwasher, put some laundry away, and get myself dressed before the next disaster struck.

Since I dared to leave my boys playing nicely in the backyard (fenced) while I returned said laundry to its designated place, I paid a very high price.

I found Solomon in the backyard with his poo diaper around his ankle.  He was covered in it from head to toe.

Let’s just say that for the second time within two hours, aint nobody happy.

I suppose this would be the right time to mention that the sweet woman who helps me keep my house clean twice a month was here to witness my fantastic parenting skills.  She’s also Old German Baptist and never had children of her own.  She is a gem and I love her dearly.  I’ve known her for two years now but  I think I scared her for the first time today.  In fact, I know I did.  I just might have circles of Old German Baptists praying for me as we speak.

I plopped my latest poo villian in the tub.  We lost a shoe somewhere in the mix.  I went out to find it and stepped in dog poo.

I’m not kidding.  Oh, how I wish I was.

I cleaned up poo incident #3.   It was 10:10 a.m.

Next, the kids wanted to swim but reminded me that the night before, one of my boys launched Ellie’s poo rake in the full pool.  We drained it but I saved the cleaning of the pool for today.

Poo incident #4 was spent cleaning up small particles from the baby pool in the backyard.  Nothin’ but the best for you, Clark.

I’m not sure if I have mentioned yet the fact that we are pet-sitting Susannah’s class lizards for the summer but we are.  I have had a rule this past year that I will not allow anything else that poos to enter our house (do you see why I have this rule?).

Did you know that lizards poo?

Well they do.  A lot.  I had to clean out their poo which admittedly only took two seconds but alas, I was at poo incident #5.

I’ve had enough crap today, thank you very much.

Other annoying stuff happened which is why I am counting my lucky stars that as I write this, the day is almost done.  Praise sweet Jesus for His mercy, friends.

But I do have to leave you with something that charmed me from this horrific 12 hour period of my life…

Because I thought I deserved a break today, I ran through the drive-thru of Subway to get lunch for Sawyer and me.  Apparently, Jesus was there.  It was the brightest spot of my day.

Click below to watch a clip of my boys saying their prayers and Sawyer telling me about Jesus being at Subway…It’s only 47 seconds long and well..I think they’re pretty darn cute.  If you are an email subscriber, apparently these little videos here do not play via email so should you choose to watch, you’ll need to visit the site.  Sorry if this is a pain but we always like to see you around these parts…

You will even hear the real names of my children because I think it might be confusing to call them by their “stage names” to their faces – I can picture the therapist listening to that one now…Should you pick up on their actual names, then shhhh…Keep it secret!

For more awesome Caffeinated Randomness with Andrea from Under Grace and Over Coffee, click here. This is one cool group of gals – you’ll be glad you did!