I mentioned in my post on Wednesday that 2001 was my official “Year of Hell.” Oh, my. Was it ever.
You probably don’t know why because, well, I have not been so good about continuing my “Life Story” series. I’m making myself write the next installment for this upcoming week.
I have to force myself because while I am very open and transparent about sharing the tumultuous rapids my boat has traveled, it is still painful and not something I particularly want to relive. But God. Yes. But God. He’s always good and uses our “stuff” for His glory.
It was absolutely the lowest low I have ever experienced. I wasn’t sure there would be much left for me on this world but as my mother reminded me, I was indeed able to move on after my eighth grade boyfriend broke up with me – even when I exclaimed that I “would never have another boyfriend again.”
Oh my, the drama of an eighth grade damsel in distress.
In 2001, I found myself in a tangled web of deceit, lies, unfaithfulness, and drug use. Not on my behalf, but on my husband’s (at the time – not my precious JJ)
I can’t go into much more here but I will on Thursday. Yes, I promise. Because if I don’t publicly state it, I won’t. Aye, aye, aye – you people make me accountable.
Darn you.
However, several friends wrote to me and shared their own personal “Years of Hell” – Erin’s was 1997-1999 (my kinda girl). Heather’s was 1990. 2004 belongs to Cat. Lori’s were 1992-1993 (again, my kinda girl).
Sometimes it’s NOT just one year. Sometimes it’s more than one and as Amanda said, “Every year was from hell for me until I met the Lord. Seriously – LOL.”
Isn’t that so true?
What happened to make you finally bend at the knee and look to the only One that could rid you of the hell you were living in? Tell us your year in the comments and any details you care to share OR simply just share the year.
The most faithful believers, the ones who truly wear the love of Jesus in their hearts so intensely that others can see it, are the ones who have run through hell wearing gasoline panties.
And we lived to tell about it.
And tell about it we do – to His glory. To His glory.
This is short because I am immersed in that flipping “Hunger Games” series that my book club chose and all I want to do it sit down and read it. It’s completely crazy and so not something I would ever like.
Yet, I can’t put it down. It’s completely riveting and while the concept of the tale makes me cringe, the storytelling and creativity is so magnificent that you pretty much just have to appreciate it like you do the sometimes crazy modern art we see in museums. I mean, who knew toilets could be an art exhibit?
Also, did I mention that poor Solomon has had a horrid bout of the flu for four days now and Susannah has a milder form? Yes, that’s two of my three “under five” children with the flu this week. I’m on empty and I just want to crawl in my bed and read, read, read.
I’m joining in with my usual friends from Caffeinated Randomness, hosted now by Michelle at “Lost in the Prairies.” Andrea is leaving the blogging world and we will miss her so – I loved reading about her thoughts and faith as she walked in grace with God. She had quite the impact on me as a blogger.
I’ve also found a new fun meme for Fridays called “Company Girl” hosted by Rachel Anne at Home Sanctuary. Same concept as Caffeinated Randomness so I thought I would meet some new pals at the same time. It’s my first time joining in so welcome “Company Girls”!
May your weekend be fantastic and filled with rest – and no flu.
8th grade boyfriend dumped you eh? It is a tragic event to be sure when you are 13!! lol!
I am now following you because I don’t want to miss your posts, as I love BC stories (before Christ)… it is all the more powerful because He changes everything. Yes, everything.
I often think of writing my testimony… I just don’t know how to tackle it and then fear and reservations set in. Do I want people knowing my sordid past? Once it is out there, it can’t be retracted. That’s just me though, and I may need to get over that. I can share one on one, but the net is a whole nother story lol. My eyes fill with tears as I write this, because He has saved me from so many things, so much pain, and most importantly, He saved me from myself.
Thank you for quoting me… I feel honoured that something I said, would ring a bell with anyone else.
Bless you Natalie… the girl with the sweetest smile ever. ;)
.-= Amanda´s last blog ..Small blessings =-.
First of all, Amanda, thank you. Your kind words made my day – what a sweet thing to say about my smile (literally – HA!) And thank you for following and reading what God wants to say to everyone through me. It’s Him, not me.
I would absolutely encourage you to write your testimony. I spoke at my MOPS group this past spring and though I knew it, to see it on paper made it so evident to me that God had been chasing me from the time I was very young. Well, well before I officially decided to walk with Him.
I also must warn you that it can be a little scary, painful, and emotional – and also cleansing, releasing and glorifying in the end. Please keep me posted should you decide to do so.
Thank you again, sweet Amanda with the beautiful blog…
i have to say that i agree with amanda…..i really wasn’t living right and life was hell before coming to Christ. sure, i didn’t go through drug abuse issues or a horrible relationship problem with my husband….but in comparison to what we have now, it was hell. i am so thankful for the perspective that he and i both have now…..and i’m so grateful for the “event” that became the turning point in our lives (it’s my husband’s testimony and not mine, so not my place to put it out there! but it DID result in him leading us both to church and God) even though at the time i was devastated that it had happened. God gets our attention any way that He has to use!!
.-= Alison´s last blog ..shutter love tuesday- cake! =-.
Oh, I love a good story about a strong husband leading his family in the way to go. Love it, love it, love it.
Nothing, absolutely nothing, is ever done in vain with God and we know that in all things He works for the good for those who love Him (Romans 8:28). I have found He will use literally anything (even dog doo for crying out loud! He did this with me this past spring…:)) to teach us.
I’m thankful for whatever it is that happened and even more thankful that your husband answered His call – there is now a family of five who are learning more about Him. Way to go, Daddy!
Thanks for reading and commenting, Alison! I love to hear from you!
I am currently sporting a pair of gasoline panties and am running and running :) I am ready to put a wrap on 2010 and know I will with the grace of God! Thanks for helping fan the flames my friend :)
I know, sister, and I’m walking right beside you all the way…
Thank you for your honesty. I know what it’s like to have bad years. Something I’m learning through studying Judges and Joshua is that for me it usually is because I’ve tried to be in control instead of God.
Andrea and I were talking about Hunger Games. I’ll have to add it to my to read list.
.-= Michelle´s last blog ..Caffeinated Randomness – Im 10 Years Old Today! =-.
Amen. Amen. Amen. It’s almost always my own little plan that interferes with God – that darn pride thing, you know?
Just finished Book One and am staring Book Two – incredibly strange and incredibly addictive and good. Love it.
Thanks for reading and commenting, Michelle!
Welcome to Company Girls! I look forward to getting to know you. I will TRY to remember to check back on Thursday, but I usually only get around to blogging on the weekends. We have been going through a rough patch lately and I found so much encouragement through the words of Habakkuk 3:17-18. We can rejoice in the God of our salvation…He is God, even through the rough times!
Star, thank you for sharing this verse. Oh my isn’t it wonderful? What a great reminder – thank you for bringing it to my attention.
So nice to “meet” you – thank you for reading and commenting!
Hi Natalie – welcome to Company Girls! I did grab a cup of coffee and read through your “about me” – can’t wait until I have more time to go back through your archives.
When the gasoline panties are burning hottest, I remember Is. 41:17
“When the poor and needy seek water, and there is none, and their tongue is parched with thirst, I the LORD will answer them; I the God of Israel will not forsake them.”
Which country song is it that says, “If you’re goin’ through hell, keep on goin’, don’t slow down, if you’re scared, don’t show it”? Mine was 2005 into 2006. Putting one foot in front of the other was about all I could manage. But the blessings on the other side were beyond anything I could have foreseen.
.-= Diane´s last blog ..Company Girls Coffee 092410 =-.
Well, thanks for grabbing a coffee and reading it, Diane!
So very much love all of Isaiah but you are right – this is a gem and such a comfort to me.
I have no idea what the song is but I love it already – yes, just keep on going and FAST!!!
I’m sorry for the pain of 2005-2006 but not sorry for what it has done in your life. He wounds us to heal us – isn’t that so profound (Beth Moore, not me! Can’t take credit for that one!)
So great to “meet” you, Diane! Thanks for reading and commenting!
Who knew there would be such accountability in the blog world?? Don’t you feel loved when we are all anticipating the next chapter and not for the details, but for the vision of the life that God has crafted with you? You are such an amazing reflection of God’s grace and glory.
.-= Jen´s last blog ..Get Moving =-.
Jen, thank you. I don’t ever for one second give credit to anyone but Him.
My whole goal for sharing my “Life Story” is so others will see that Christians are not “perfect.” It’s the biggest misconception that non-Christians have of us – we are, in fact, a body of such imperfection that we seek Him and believe Him. The grace. The mercy. The love. In spite of all of our worst qualities and horrid choices, in spite of things we have done that we would rather forget. We need Him.
Thank you for reading and commenting, dear Jen. You are such a gifted writer, girl.
I do wonder.. as I think about times in my life.. honestly, how could it be and WHY would I tell it for his Glory? I had a time from 1997-1999 when I was spiraling out of control.. although at the time it sure was fun.. and even now – I wouldn’t go back and change it b/c it made me who I am today. Plus. it was part of God’s plan. however.. I don’t see how any of that would be for His Glory. I experienced another time of hell(quite frankly worse than my behavioral choices while in college) in 2008-2009 from the unimaginable treatment from women who claimed to be my friends. some how those times sting way more than the choices I poorly made while not having God center of my world. again.. not sure how it could be told for His Glory.. seems more like I’d be asking for a pitty party and nothing could be further from the truth. *hmf.. I dunno*
.-= Elizabeth´s last blog ..fun on friday-its all about the boy =-.
I always think of the John 15: 1-2 about being pruned by Him when I feel like I am going through a rough patch. I think any challenge He presents us with is an opportunity for pruning.
I’m sorry for your hurt; however, I have to say that even at church, no one is perfect. We will still hurt one another. We are an imperfect people and are no different from anyone else in that regard – it’s why we all need Jesus, don’t you think?
Thank you for reading and commenting, Elizabeth.
the problem is that those of us who call ourselves believers( not even using the term Christian, since that encompasses a huge portion of our country) and attend church regularly and embrace a church community, to actually LIVE out our faith.. SHOULD be different. of course we are all full of sin.. w/o that, the whole cross would have been for null.. however, the more we focus on a biblical world view for our lives, the less we will be acting like those not focused on Him. and THAT is where we are different. It is terribly sad to see, but it is 100% understandable why non believers would want no part, if that is they type of people they encounter. I ABSOLUTELY believe whole heartedly that w/o trials we are not shaped into the people He wants us to be. I embrace them for sure, and look forward to those teachable and refining moments.. though I know I’ll come out better on the other side, it still sucks going thru some of it. ahaaa. so is that what you mean by for His Glory? maybe it just clicked.
My year is this year. Cancer, fight mean inhumane insurance company to receive proper treatment, have surgery, hubby new job, selling house, moving to new house, begin cancer treatment, finish treatment and I am now thinking about all the other stuff I never addressed in January like my dad’s alzheimer’s and my mother’s divorce. And the medical bills have started arriving. ugh! But I can honestly say God has been more near any other year of my life. This is also the year I really have begun to believe He really, really, really , really loves me.
I once had 3 under 5. Now I’ve got three in elementary school and 1 under 5. Hang on dear sister your rides is just taking off!! I’ll pray the flu goes far, far away.
Nice to meet you!!
Lisa. Thank you so much for your transparency and for glorifying God even in the midst of all of those things that you are balancing. I am praying for you as I type – praying for your healing, praying for the ridiculous insurance companies and that God will place compassionate people in your path so you won’t have to argue with them so much, praying for the healing after your surgery, praying for your father’s Alzheimer’s disease, praying for your mother’s divorce. But mostly, praying that you will find a peace that allows you to concentrate only on your healing. He is close to you – He will not forsake you.
How wonderful to meet you and thank you again for visiting and being so open. I will continue to pray.
Lisa, I just read your blog. I’m adding a button now…
it is my first time joining in as well! I am out to meet some new bloggers. :) nice to find your blog! and yes, we all face struggles and sometimes more than other times but God is FAITHFUL through it all! I am facing some major things right now and know that God is good even during this season of life.
Yes, He is Jenilee. He’s closer than your breath.
Thank you for reading and commenting – how great to “meet” you!
I haven’t read Hunger Games yet but I have a son who has loved that series. He keeps telling me I need to read them and I guess I need to listen!
.-= debbie´s last blog ..Skipping A Generation =-.
Welcome! Isn’t it great the community of support and encouragement and inspiration that can be found in the blogosphere? Hope that flu leaves soon enough.
.-= Joyce´s last blog ..Our Week in Photos Week 39 of 52 =-.
I choose 1996 to 1998. A “short-lived” marriage to a short tempered man. Walking on eggshells and never knowing what would set him off. Having no money and feeling trapped with no escape. Lying crumpled in a corner with him over me yelling, berating and spitting in my face. And then God, without me even knowing it had to be God, gave me the strength to GET OUT. And led me to a wonderful, sweet, loving man who had had his own share of troubles with a cruel wife. 10 years later, we have 2 adorable boys, a solid marriage, and a strong faith in Him who we live for. Bless you Natalie for sharing your “stuff” and letting us have opportunities to rethink ours so we can appreciate our own journeys.
Praise be to God, Lisa! What a strong woman it takes to leave an abuser and yet God instilled that courage within you because He had something better for you. I’m so thankful you listened to His call.
God is so very good and His plan is always the best one – what a wonderful blessing and fantastic story of redemption and renewal for you.
Thank you for sharing, Lisa, and for being so transparent. Your pain then and beautiful life now just shows the steadfastness of our God.
I just want you to knw that I just love reading your blog, and I am rolling on the floor at the thought of running through hell in gasoline panties, not that it would be funny literally but you have such a great way of putting things that makes me smile! Can’t wait to read your upcoming posts!!! You are such a blessing sweet bloggy sister!
.-= Stephanie Clayton´s last blog ..spiritual deodorant =-.
Well, Stephanie Clayton, didn’t you just make my Saturday? Thank you, dear one.
Can’t take credit for that phrase – that goes to my friend (we like to call her Stulp) who is about to become a MINISTER!!!!!!! Don’t you just love it?
Thanks for reading, girl. You have a beautiful story, too.
Found you through Home Sanctuary this week. Nice to meet you! :)
I haven’t had a year of hell, per se, but I have had my hellish moments like anybody else. The common thread through all of them has been related to being consumed with myself, and too proud to come to Jesus. Somehow wallowing in my own misery was more appealing than asking forgiveness. Because that makes tons of sense.
I hope your weekend got better with the kiddos getting over the flu. And hopefully they didn’t give it to anybody else. Can’t blame you for wanting to hide under the covers with a book.