Life is good. I am blessed. Oh, yes, I am.
However, sometimes we hit a bump in the road, a patch of black ice, that surprises us and in turn, frustrates us because we weren’t expecting it to strike our wheels. We weren’t prepared and so we are even angrier than if we had been.
As if this made any sense at all. I don’t claim to be logical.
I like to think that I am prepared; that I have access to the truth, that I will know how to react to hardship, conflict, sadness.
Yet when those three amigos arrive, there are times in which I feel like I am learning braille – feeling my way as I go along.
I’m learning braille right now.
I know I’m not alone as I feel my way. I know He is there guiding me; I feel His presence. He’s holding me tightly in His right hand. I often feel His grip on my shoulder, leading me where I need to go as I do with my own children when I’m behind them and they don’t know where to go. I am their shephard; those little lambs are in my care. I am leading them to the right path.
So is He.
Our family was off-kilter today as I left the house for a few hours of writing time. Words were spoken that should not have been. Tempers flared. Anger persisted. No one was listening. I gave a spanking in anger and not to teach. Tears were shed. Guilt was felt. I left feeling worried that my children were going to be on the therapist’s couch for most of their adult life. Extreme, yes, but absolutely where my mind flew.
It was a hot mess. So was I.
So here I sit, contemplating how I will shift this sad, angry, guilty heart to one that can write about gratitude.
Each time I write a single word on this blog or anywhere else, I pray to God that He will guide my words and I trust that He will tell me what to write on His behalf. Truth be told, I don’t always know what I’m going to write about when I sit down at the computer. I so very much believe I am merely His messenger.
I prayed for Him to soften my heart, to speak through me.
He did.
“Tell them that gratitude is a state of being. It won’t matter if you are experiencing hardship, conflict, or sadness. I want you to be real. Not rosy. Real. Tell them that there are times when you feel defeated, broken, and hopeless yet you still choose to thank me for even the smallest of provisions. Tell them,” I heard.
So I’m telling you just that – gratitude is a choice. Though I am hurt and certainly wouldn’t classify myself as Pollyanna at the moment, I am still ever-grateful. Ever grateful.
My list of 1,000 things of gratitude continues, despite the fact that I am currently residing in the “Refiner’s Fire”…I’m so grateful for:
161. That “Refiner’s Fire” – there isn’t one time that I haven’t emerged with more clarity, courage, and faith in Him. It’s not fun to feel that heat, no. But He’s doing something in me right now and I know His plan is good.
162. Despite the fact that they will be in therapy for much of their adult life (see above), my children are having a ball together these days. There’s good playtime and giggles. We even had a train rolling through our living room last night.
163. Good coffee – K Dees, I love you. (They are local and they are heavenly but they SHIP. Click here to order. And no, I’m not paid to endorse.)
164. People who God chooses to speak to me through – our new associate pastor, my dear friend, Karri, a few others who have reached out to me this week to share what God has placed on their hearts for me.
165. On a similar note, two girlfriends who don’t know each other wrote to me saying “I suddenly felt the overwhelming need to pray for you.” God is so good. I need those prayers and He provided.
166. Long fall sweaters, leggings, and Uggs. Like wearing sweats but I feel not as frumpy.
167. A great sale at Kohl’s that allowed me to clothe my children abundantly for this new season. Now we are working on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. (Colossians 3:12)
168. Good books. Good books. Good books. (Currently reading Little Bee – love it.)
169. Baths, while listening to
170. Good music, good music, good music (Hillsong, Coldplay, Van Morrison, Keb Mo, Jack Johnson, Chris Tomlin, Jars of Clay – and SO much more.)
May you choose to see His provisions this week – even if you don’t want to do so.
Good morning my friend! I have missed you! Funny how just a few days away can feel like so long. You’re going to have to take off those Uggs and put on your walking shoes tonight :) We’ll walk and talk it out and hopefully get steps closer to giving some of our “baggage” over to God. Thank goodness He wants it! See you soon!
Must be going around. We had that day yesterday. Words said……but all is better today because everything out in the open and we are praying together. Doesn’t writing down our blessings help so much? I pray your week is blessed just as you have blessed me with your word.
.-= Karen´s last blog ..Dayspring Memo Board Winner =-.
You are NOT alone! From one mom to another: We question at our house too, is this what family life is suppose to be like!?!?! We struggle with being grateful for each other when Brian still doesn’t have a job! We struggle with getting the boys up and off to work! But in sight of all of that, we still have each other! I know that I am their mom and they are my children and Brian is my husband! We will be there when things are tough! That is what family is suppose to be all about! Too often, people give up before the fight even begins and they loose sight of the hand that is holding them in their place, God! He was, He is and He is to come! Never loose sight of that and always be grateful for his hand of mercy! I know I am!
I have many of those days, where you end up apologizing to the kids instead of vice versa. I struggle with what kind of example am I setting and what will they remember about me. Thankfully we have an excellent example and someone to turn to.
PS: Loved the fact that you too acknowledge the therapy they’ll need in adulthood. I often contemplate opening an account to assist them in this. :P
.-= Michelle´s last blog ..Martha Mondays – easy- easy like Sunday Mornings =-.
Oh girl. Oh girl. I know — these things always seem to happen right when I think things are going so well, when I’ve got it all covered, when I am on the ball, and pressing onward.
May the guilt serve it’s purpose and then flee the scene. Abundance of joy and love awaits!
.-= Jen´s last blog ..Worthy Woman and Words with Friends =-.
gratitude is a state of being. This is good, it’s not what we ‘say’ but how we act. Isn’t this how it is with anything? We can try to convince with our mouth but doing and being is what really speaks. God is good even in the midst of a storm isn’t He? Focusing on that is the key. Love the post and thinking of you today.
.-= marlece´s last blog ..wrestling and haircut! =-.
Isn’t God just wonderful? I love Him! Keep your chin up and keep looking towards Him! He’ll light your way. Nobody’s perfect, so forgive yourself and move on!
Forget rosy. I’d much rather the real.
And THAT is one of the reasons I love your blog, the realness.
.-= Amy Sullivan´s last blog ..My Circle and 1994 =-.
I am also learning just how powerful even *small* choices can really be. thanks for being ‘real’. I’ve been where you’ve been walking, friend.
.-= heidi @ wonder woman wannabe´s last blog ..Linky Love – Blogging Edition =-.
May the Lord wrap His arms around you and give you a big ole hug! Life does happen, but it’s all about how we deal with it and you are certainly a testimony to that.
Loved your gratitude list! Always enjoy stopping by……..
.-= Lea Culp´s last blog ..Miscellany Monday =-.
uuggg I had one of those days last Tuesday. I know I nagged my husband and probably drove him half crazy because upon leaving a door slammed behind me as I was leaving for work. Daughter had run outside without shoes and crawled into a plant shelf so it was either frustration with me or daughter. I know he hadn’t eaten breakfast so I went to Dunkin Donuts and brought back coffee and donuts. I think it helped! Anyway, visiting from Amy’s blog. I also hope to attend Relevant in ’11.
.-= Rachel M´s last blog ..Multitude Monday =-.