You slipped your small hand into mine as we walked through the dimly-lit parking garage on a cool autumnal evening.
Your face beamed, your gait bounced. You were bubbling over.
“I’m so excited, mommy,” you said.
“I’m so excited to just be with you,” I answered.
You beamed again, your gait bounced higher, you bubbled over some more.
My middle born child, my first-born son. I worry about you – are you getting enough attention? Did you get enough time to be a baby before your brother pushed you out of that position? Is your rebellious streak part of who you are or is it because you are three and a half and on the brink of becoming a “big kid” but not quite there yet?
We walked into the “Rock and Roll Bowling” birthday party, the first party in which it was only you, and not your siblings, who were invited.
This time, you didn’t have to ask why you couldn’t go, too.
This time, you didn’t have to cry as I took your older sister to a celebration.
This time, you were the one who selected the gift for your friend.
You were dressed in a sleeveless shirt with a motorcycle on the back and cut-off black pants. Your feet sported unlaced Converse sneakers and your arms wore tattoos of a car and a guitar with wings.
You were “Rock Star Ready” and couldn’t wait to get started.
We played Foosball – you loved it.
You rode a motorcycle poised on a video game – you loved it.
You had the chance to try “the claw” though it was every bit as difficult as I said it would be – and regardless, you loved it.
Intermittently, you hugged my legs and told me how much you loved me while I returned it with one that was even harder and even longer.
“You will never understand how much I love you until you have babies of your own, Sawyer, ” I told him.
Your face beamed, your gait bounced. You continued to bubble over.
You tried your hand at bowling and you were surprised by how fun it could be.
“Will it be dark, mommy?” you asked before we arrived. “Will it be scary?”
After you saw that your mommy was correct – there is nothing scary about bowling – you went full-speed ahead in your little-boy way and flung that six-pound ball down the lane.
“I’m really good at this, Mommy!” you said without a hint humility.
“Yes, you are!” I answered, realizing this was not the time for a lesson on that trait.
This was merely a time to celebrate with my doe-eyed, curly-haired little boy who is so attached to his mama that I often wonder if he would re-enter my womb if given the chance.
This was merely a time to enjoy a few hours with only him and not the others. To have fun together and not be distracted by dirty dishes, unfolded laundry, and toys that needed to be put away.
This was merely a time to simply be in his presence, to notice and marvel at the fact that he seems so much bigger now, to realize how quickly this time is going and to enjoy his little spit-fire personality that is so much like his mother’s.
We devoured our cake and watched the birthday boy open his presents. You rode the motorcycle again because it was your favorite while your mother made a mental note to try and discourage you from ever wanting to ride one.
We thanked our hosts and walked out into the crisp night.
Your face beamed, your gait bounced, and yes, you were still bubbling over.
“Can we do this again sometime?” you asked, hopeful.
“Absolutely,” I answered.
Beautiful post…I am almost crying because I can so relate! I had 2 1/2 years with my first-born of just “us” alone time and with the little one the days are few and very far between. Thanks so much for being you!!
I needed to read this today! Thanks for sharing your life.
Oh, Natalie. I am wiping the tears away. My first born son is 16 now and I miss those special times with him when he thought I hung the moon. It is vitally important to spend one on one time with each child. You never know what they will remember and hold on to as they grow into adulthood. Continued Blessings and thanks for making my day!
.-= Jen´s last blog ..My Favorites =-.
You tell this story beautifully. It is full and it is rich and not only does it remind me to CHERISH THESE MOMENTS with my children, it reminds me of the One who wants to CHERISH ME, that wants to steal some time away, to love, to marvel, to be.
.-= Jen´s last blog ..A Return to Sabbath =-.
Oh.my.goodness. “You will never understand how much I love you until you have babies of your own, Sawyer, ” I told him.” They WILL never know how much we love them until they have their own babies. That is when my tears start coming. What is it about the mother/child love? Nothing that can explain it, other than its how God designed it to be.
Talk to you soon :)
This made me tear up for no other reason than the sweetness of the Mommy and Son moment. I am now having heart pangs ;)
How special it is to grow up so LOVED.
.-= Christy´s last blog ..The Indecisive Creative =-.
Oh, so precious!!
.-= partialemptynester´s last blog ..Little bit o rustic- whole lotta lush-ness! =-.
Oh, this makes me want to wake my little one up just to get some extra time in with her before the older sibling comes bouncing home.
ps Have I ever told you I love the name Sawyer? If not, love it.
.-= Amy Sullivan´s last blog ..Stolen Valentines and Compassion =-.
So precious! I also treasure the very few times I get just mommy & me time with my middle-born daughter. It makes all the difference in the world. :)
Natalie, I struggle with the same questions about my middle man. Did you have enough alone time with Mommy & Daddy? Do you get enough attention? I struggle with it even more as my middle man has other difficulties in life. However, when he just cuddles me in and asks for a Hug & Kiss before bed again and again, I know that I have trust God and embrace the time we do have.
.-= Michelle´s last blog ..From the Inside Out =-.
ok…. so i’m sitting here while my boys do gymnastics trying SO HARD not to cry in front of all these people. whew! so eloquently written natalie. thank you.
this is sooo precious…i can picture your little love close to my firstborn and only son for now, who I just wrote about growing up…i hear and feel your heart too. the times i can be away and just with him are treasures that fill me so…found you through sweet jen’s…i’m a newbie;)
I love when you talk about the ‘middle child’ syndrome….and yes to cherish every second. EVERY SECOND!!
.-= marlece´s last blog ..making time for relationship =-.