Dear God,
I know you know my heart even before I pour it out to you. You know every hair on my head. You knit me together. You created my inmost being.
So what I’m about to say won’t be a complete shock to you – in fact, you probably knew it before I even knew it myself.
God, I’m “Toddler Tired”. It’s a new epidemic that is spreading among several women of my age. Most of us are in our thirties. Our toddlers are our second, third, fourth, and for some, fifth, sixth, and seventh babies.
We’ve had toddlers for a very. Long. Time.
Don’t get me wrong, God. I adore each one of these bundles you have entrusted me with. I have always wanted them and there were times in my life that I literally yearned for them.
But I have to be honest and say that if my three year old screams “NO!!!!” more time or tells me “I WILL NOT!” when I ask him to do something as little as let the dog in, I just might decide to ship him off to an island that deals with strong-willed toddler boys for a while. God, it won’t be permanent. I’ll send for him after a while.
I had more patience with the first child. A little bit less with the second. And now? Pretty much nil. And yes, I realize this is unfair to the third.
I’ve had a toddler in my house for FIVE YEARS STRAIGHT. Four of those five years, I had TWO toddlers at any given time.
Yes. TWO. Double the chorus of “NO’s” and “I WILL NOT’s”.
God, I know I’m 38 and they are three but there are days that I can’t handle the push-back. I’ m exhausted by the dramatic tears over a lost gumball. I’ve heard enough of the reasons why we need to eat chicken nuggets for every meal.
And yes, I’m keenly aware of the fact that as I write this letter to you, as we are dancing this waltz, you have revealed a very poignant statement that humbles me immediately.
“I know how you feel”
And I am humbled. Now I see.
God, I am YOUR toddler. You feel this way with me sometimes.
But your love? It just doesn’t ever fail, does it? Not once have you wanted to ship me off to an island far away. In fact, it was during those times that you held me even closer.
And me? I just want distance from the local tyrant that is currently living in my house. I get frustrated. Lose patience. Say things I shouldn’t say in my lack of energy to deal with even one more insignificant drama.
But there you are. Always. With mercy and grace on a platter held out to me. Correcting me, yes. But gently leading me, too.
God, please. Empty me of me and fill me with more of you.
And I know you do things on your own time schedule but can I request that you do it soon? These years, they’re passing by so fast. I’m not foolish enough not to realize that there will be a time in the very near future that I will miss the years of being “toddler tired” – as twisted as this sounds right now.
God, help me to remember how little they really are. Help me to be slow to anger. Help me lock a guard over my tongue – particularly during the hours of 4 – 7:30 p.m.
Empty me of me. Fill me with more you.
God. Thank you.
Love,
Your 38 Year Old Toddler Daughter
The blessings multiply. Thank you, God, for:
591. Precious time with my three just having fun
592. A family that feels incomplete when one member is missing
593. A lookalike best friend for my daughter
594. Oh, alright. I AM thankful for his sassiness. I KNOW it will serve him well someday. And yes, I hear you saying “Exhibit A” in your response. You are just so funny, God.
595. The contribution that Henriette Lacks made to modern medicine
596. Conversations of the heart with my favorite 85 year old
597. Three children who adore their great grandmother
598. Golf cart rides in the throes of autumn
599. Turtles in the creek
600. Your patience with me when I dig my heels in and say “NO!” or “I WILL NOT!”
This week may you feel his grace and mercy when you just want to shout “NO!” and “I WILL NOT”!
Joining in with Ann for Multitude Monday and Jen for the Soli Deo Gloria Sisterhood...
AMEN on this one!! my youngest is just now entering toddlerdom and i just pray i have the strength to survive it yet again ;)
Just know you are not alone…Prepare yourself for the “NO’s!” and the “I WILL NOT’s” and you should be good…But actually, come to think of it, I WAS prepared for that having two toddlers right before he entered the world of toddlerdom. Oh brother – I can’t recommend anything but God. May the force be with you, Alison. :)
My neighbor and I decided together that your patience exponentially decreases with each child you have. I agree! I have learned more about my relationship with God since I became a parent. Parenting shows you a side of God that perhaps you could not understand before. Great post!
YES. YES. And YES, Gaby. I have grown up SO much since I became a mother. Oh my, let me count thy ways…
I think His natural order of the world for us to bear children and parent them is His way of teaching us how He feels about us…Even on our worst days of “NO’s!” I still would die for that child.
That’s motherhood for you…
Thanks for your reassuring words, Gaby!
This spoke to my heart so much sweet Nat. I too am that toddler to Him sometimes…especially when I dig my heels in and stubbornly refuse what He asks. May He pour us out and fill us with Him. (also…I have started several of my letter journal entries to Him the way you did…there is just something powerful about pouring your heart out to Him on paper…even knowing that He knows…)
You know, I’m loving that idea, Christy. There was much more revealed when I wrote a letter to Him. Such the writer in us, no?
So glad to know I’m not the only one that digs in the heels…:)
Love to you, dear one.
Thanks Natalie! What a great post. Hang in there! You are so right in saying that someday we will miss the “no’s” and the “I will not’s”. I also have to say that I miss that little toddler boy! Hugs to him and you too!
Awww…thanks, Dena. He is such a big boy now in so many ways – when I returned from Ghana this past summer, he was in a big boy bed, had potty trained himself, and got rid of the paci’s within a week. It was too fast for me yet at times, not fast enough. Such a twisted time this toddler tired era is, no? Thanks for reading and commenting, Dena!
oh my word – I am God’s toddler. SO TRUE !!!
Umm, me too. That’s why we’re friends.
AMEN AMEN AMEN! Except mine is a first grader who is too big for his britches…
But so true…I am also a grown up first grader. Sigh.
Yes – I think God has revealed the huge log in my own eye since having children….:) I wouldn’t change it for the world – I have learned more about myself and most importantly, God. We ARE His children – in every way.
Thanks for reading, Megan!!!
Oh how sweet! Bless your heart Natalie. Beautiful post. #592 is wonderful! Grandmas and great grandmas are such a sweet blessing from above! :)
Yes, my Meemo is one of my greatest blessings. She is absolutely a gift from God.
Thanks for reading, Jen!!! Love to you!
Just a cup of comfort, I mean really, what Mom hasn’t wanted to ship off one of their children? I’m sure God loves your honesty and the beauty in which you portray your toddlerhood!
You are beautiful!
No, YOU…:) YOU are beautiful…:) Thanks, sister.
Yes, I know it’s normal but aren’t we all shocked a little bit when it happens? Aye, aye, aye…
Thanks for reading today, dear one. Much love to you!
Yes! This is where I am right now. Ours is “no want to!” and I realize it is also the cry of my heart. Thank you for sharing where u r…I soooo get it!
Yes, isn’t that so funny? He repeatedly reveals my own sin when I am lamenting on and on about my children. Hmmm…
But I have to say that I’m finding “No want to!” a little cute. OK, maybe a little less than little but I might have to turn my head on that one. It doesn’t help that you are nearing your due date, either…:) Praying for you!!!
As I read your post, I had shipped my 3 and 2 year olds off with their daddy because I couldn’t take it anymore. God knew I needed to read this! Thank you! I am feeling the double toddler craziness too with both of them having argumentative spirits and fighting each other. God give us strength to stay patient while forming their hearts! Thanks again for this!
Oh, girl. I so get where you are.
Apparently, my husband and I are only capable of producing strong-willed children. We have three of them ages six and under to prove it.
I just keep telling myself that it will one day serve them well and I just have to be so intentional on how I channel the passion.
Yes. Patience. Sigh.
Thanks for reading, Christina! Hope your break filled your cup a bit…:)
Oh sweet friend…Loved this! I love the sign off “Toddler Daughter”! I am going to adopt that. I just need to remember that I am God’s “toddler daughter”. Remember His never ceasing grace. And pray to be more like Him and extend that grace to my own…toddler daughter, elementary daughter and tween (just you wait for that one…oi vey) son. (Even though shipping them off sounds awfully good some days). :)
Yes, and some days I think I might be His infant daughter.
Umm, yeah. Thankful you are going ahead of me on that tween boy thing…Take good notes, heart sister. :) Love you!
Wonderful! And I can SO relate. (37.5 with an 11yo, a 2yo, and a sick 1yo.) Aye ya ya!
OH – yes, you can.
Thanks for reading, Brandee. Hope that baby gets well soon!
Love how you linked this together with such a great lesson. ( Coming over from Jen’s blog today)
I often think we are like toddlers with our attitude but also will our cuddling with God too. Sometimes if I just can’t find the words in prayer, I just imagine crawling up onto his big lap and nestling in for a nap with Papa.
Great blog. I will be back
You know Jean, I have thought of this at times, too. I love that visual. He DOES call me to that at times – to just rest in Him though I admit I don’t always listen.
Thanks for reading and commenting!! So great to “meet” you – I’ll be visiting you tomorrow!
I have been in that place. Now, my letter to God has to do with eye rolls and “What??!” and “Do I have to?” Strangely, I think I may have done/said these same things to God, too. Thankful for His everlasting love.
I KNOW I have said “Do I have to?” more times than I care to admit…
Thanks, girl.
Hey girl! I have missed you! This post made me laugh. I feel this way with my seven year old son right now. And my twelve year old daughter. And last week with 52 of my preschoolers. Talk about toddler-tired!!! And the funny thing is, we’re doing it all over again in the spring. Thank goodness they aren’t born toddlers. Praise Jesus! :P
LOOK! It’s Andrea!!!! I have missed you too, girl! Love seeing your beautiful face in that little avatar!
I once taught grades K-6 during a span of ten years as a teacher before I “retired”. I can’t imagine 52 preschoolers. YOU get the Official Toddler Tired Award…
And YES – God knew that if they were born toddlers, we would all flee…:)
Thanks for stopping in today – what a gift.
Natalie, I love how you describe how we may look to our Lord. I have thrown a few temper tantrums of my own, or said “NO” with a big hissy fit……..I’m glad we have a Jesus who gives second chances and more, unconditional love? Oh yah, that is what it is!
Smilin’ with you, Marlece
Learning this lesson right alongside of you…
Thanks for linking up!
Beautiful. And oh so true
Hey, girl,
Glad to see you are still cranking out the good stuff. Perfect picture for a post that so many of us can relate to!