So, when we don’t know who we are in Him and we build our house on that slippery and fickle sand, our thoughts might stink because we aren’t sure what we’re doing so we just operate without a plan and suddenly find we’re over-booked.
If we don’t know our purpose, what we are called to do in this life, then we’ll search for it by saying “yes” to everything because maybe we’ll find it. Or perhaps we don’t want to think about our purpose or our pain or our anger so we fill our schedule and all we have to do is run, run, run. Or maybe we just don’t want to upset anyone so we say “yes” and squelch down that gnawing feeling that we shouldn’t have but tell ourselves we’ll be fine.
Do I sound like I know what I speak of?
I do. All too well.
Last spring, I had a revelation that led me to step back from everything.
I found myself with more “down” time which led to more “think” time which led to more “get-responsibilities-around-the-house-done” time which led to a more peaceful and relaxed mother and wife who could also find an unwrinkled pair of pants for her children and not have to unload the dishwasher while making dinner and helping with homework all at the same time.
Lo and behold, I snapped less. I loved more. And I lost the frantic that had perched on my shoulders for much of the past two years.
In the becoming of a pause, I found peace.
When we move so fast that we can’t even finish a thought, we’ll remain a jumbled vessel of unfinished thoughts that lead to simply surviving instead of thriving (from my dear friend, Katrina. Can’t take credit for that one.)
I chose to stay home with my children because I wanted to be home with them as their caregiver. (This is not a judgement upon others who don’t make the same choice – I’ve been both a working mom and a stay-at-home mom. I get both sides of the equation and see no reason for this issue to divide us as mothers.)
But when I’m constantly running, and often in the name of ministry, and my kids are in childcare while I’m in a meeting then we run errands and then we pick up our oldest at school, we find there are days in which we aren’t home all day long.
So we return home, all of us at the same time and often weary and in need of a snack, to find baskets of laundry, a dinner beckoning to be made, homework that needs help completing, and a dishwasher that needs unloading.
And maybe you’re better at this than I am but this is where my thoughts start to stink. Suddenly, I find myself lamenting that “I’m the only one who ever does anything around here” which is completely false. I go down a spiral that threatens to damage and break the hearts of those I love the most.
All because I chose to over-schedule our family.
And our kids feel it, too. According to a study by the American Psychological Association, over-scheduled kids feel “sad, worried, and frustrated” because “their parents don’t spend enough time with them”. This can also equate to physical symptoms such as headaches, stomachaches, and sleeplessness.
So if our thoughts are stinking, could it be because we’re running too fast? Do we need to lay some things down so we can all just breathe a bit?
What happens when you give yourself a moment to pause and breathe?
For more reading on this subject, please check out Kevin Lehman’s book, It’s Your Kid, Not a Gerbil: Creating a Happier & Less-Stressed Home
Please join me on Friday as we learn tools to help us to know when to say “no” and when to say “yes”.
Thank you for journeying with me, sisters.
I couldn’t agree more. This has become a central theme in my message to moms, having been at this motherhood thing for 19 years. When my children were younger, we were flying too fast, trying to keep up with too many expectations…many of which, I later discovered, were not my Father’s. Here’s the verse that bowled me over: “The only thing that counts is faith, expressing itself in love.” It was challenging to pull middle-school age children out of year round sports, but after we did, they never mentioned it, never missed it a bit. Young kids need their parents and free play time, and older kids still need time for reflection and relaxation, as well as time to cultivate creative thinking and relationships. We now avoid year-round sports and always give our kids the option of changing their schedules. I am a calmer mommy and we are a much happier, peaceful family as a result. Thanks for this series!
I love that central message, Karen, and I think it’s one we all as mothers should hear again and again – myself mostly.
I always love to hear from mom’s who are a little bit ahead of me on this mothering journey – thanks for sharing your wisdom, Karen!
Oops forgot to give verse reference: Galatians 5:6b
And a great book on the subject is “Not So Fast” by Ann Kroeker.
Thanks you – book sounds great! Just added it to my favorites on my Nook!
But I AM the only one who does anything around here! :) Ha, just kidding. I totally agree with today’s post Natalie. I’ve been trying to scale back, but I think the hardest thing TO scale back is when you are doing the church related things, and people expect you to say yes to everything. My hubby being the worship leader of our contemporary service, that imparts a lot of MY time that people don’t even realize, (tuesday night’s band practice, going in early on sunday, not having my hubby’s full help while he’s prepping in the evenings, because that isn’t even his “real” job!) and then when you add in UMW VP, stage design person, etc, etc, you start getting those stinkin’ thoughts and it is about your work for Him, which should never be! Then you want to scale back the church work, which makes you feel horrendously guility. At our church we have the saying, “20% of the people do 80% of the work” and when you are surrounded by apathy, it makes it harder to want to be the light. I don’t know where I’m going with this, I guess it’s just my frustration coming through, because I so WANT to be the mom that is at home, in a clean house, with fresh baked chocolate chip cookies waiting for my kids at the end of their day, but that mom only seems to show up about twice a year. Striving for better for 2012-2013!
Oh, girl. You have no idea how much I relate to this. However, last spring, I decided enough was enough. Who am I in ministry if I’m not serving my husband and children first? What message do I send? This is SO not condemnation because 1) Been there, done that and 2) there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus.
You’re going to like Friday’s post, sister. It all comes from my own stumbling so please know that I say that in complete humility.
Praying for you!
We fell into that habit too when my kidas were younger. Finally I said “enough” and we took an entire year off from everything that happened on weeknights. It was life changing and we were all happier for it. Now that they are both in school all day I can get things done during that time so we have one or two things they love. But until they were both in school full days it was too much for us too! I feel like society has forgotten how important an evening playing games together can be.
Good point, Kristi – before they’re in school, it IS too much and I also think they don’t even want to do all of it BUT…the parents do.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom, Kristi!
You know, I’m not guilty of overscheduling my kids, but me? Guilty. I push and push and push.
AMEN, AMEN, AMEN, sister!
Absolutely – I worked for two years teaching preschool. It is my passion to work with this age group and I work at it as a ministry to God. But I found I had so little time for anything else. And I knew when we were expecting our little man that I wasn’t going to be able to keep that pace going. It was hard, but resigning for this season was totally the right thing to do. Besides, I can still work with preschoolers – I’ll just be doing it on a much, much smaller scale.
You are so right, Andrea! Our mission field is under our own roof. And preschoolers? Love them!