* Please note this is a series – if you are new here, first of all, thank you for visiting us. You are always welcome. Secondly, should you want to read this series from the beginning or pick and choose by topic, click the “Stinkin’ Thinkin’ Makeover” tab under the header above.
She was tall and really thin and didn’t have the curves that I had. She could pretty much wear anything she wanted.
She was very crafty and her home looked like a perfect conglomeration of pins from Pinterest done perfectly without the glue showing or the distressing looking so obviously not-distressed.
She often stayed under-budget and she could eat a hot-fudge sundae for lunch every day of the week and, gasp, never even gain an ounce.
She was everything that I’m not.
And though I tend to think of myself as a fairly confident person, I found myself listening to the small bit of truth that the enemy likes to do his best work upon.
She IS different from me. She’s craftier and thinner and her home doesn’t have clutter and she seems to always have quality time with her kids and her marriage is so great and suddenly, I’m assessing my own life and feeling a bit less-than before I walked through her door.
And the worst part is that she never did a thing to make me feel less than welcome. She was incredibly kind and gracious.
It was my own clouded lens I was looking through.
We later became closer friends and we talked about one of our first meetings.
“I was so intimidated by you, Natalie,” she said.
I choked.
“Why on earth would I intimidate you?” I inquire.
She shared and then it was evident.
We women, we fall prey to this so easily.
We compare ourselves to others so much that oftentimes, we don’t even realize we are comparing ourselves to others at all.
And comparisons? They’re death-giving. Every single time.
Each of us was knit together and fearfully and wonderfully made so delicately by a God who had planned for our very existence since the beginning of time.
Every single one of us is a part of His story and your role in that story can only be fulfilled by you.
He creates us with different spiritual gifts and different bends. He makes us physically different and we possess different beliefs on politics. Some of us were born to be crafty with paper and fonts and home decorating and some of us share our art through the written word or a song that we sing.
But if I try to compare my gifting with someone else’s and feel inferior when I do, then I’m putting down the craftsmanship of the most talented Creator there has ever been.
Not to mention that oftentimes what we are comparing ourselves to can be, for lack of a better way to put this, a lie.
I’ve read recently that Facebook status’ can actually be the breeding ground for death-giving comparisons and the more I thought I about it, the more I realized the truth behind the statement.
Women talking about their amazing husbands and perfect marriages. Their children on the uber-high honor roll. The feature of their home in “House Beautiful.”
My friend, Amy Dane from “Amy in Wanderland” wrote a fabulous post about Facebook envy. You must read it.
And Lisa-Jo Baker writes on comparisons in the aptly-named post “Comparing Will Kick Your Teeth and Hijack Your Dreams Everytime” – another must read.
So just for today, sisters, can we vow to be content with who we are right at this moment? Can we lift up and encourage someone who normally might lead us down “Comparison Cove”?
And if we could vow to do that past just today, even better. Because comparisons don’t just make us feel less-than and therefore stink up our thoughts.
They create an atmosphere of death rather than life. Let’s not forget that as women, we are life-givers.
It’s time to honor the craftsmanship, sisters. Let’s celebrate those differences and encourage one another to shine our unique lights a way that only YOU can.
What about you – have you struggled with comparisons, too?
Beautifully written my sweet friend. And yes, I compare and know it is death. Recently I had my…gasp…20 year high school reunion. I wasn’t able to actually go because we live here in Indiana and I am from Utah. However a “wonderful” Facebook page was made for all of us class of ’92. Some of it was very fun, catching up with old friends, seeing their children. But the FACEBOOK ENVY did take over more than once. Seeing how thin some of my friends still were, even after have 4 children. Careers that took off the direction I always thought I would go…yes even two of my friends have been nominated for Tony awards. Beautiful pictures of vacation spots that I will probably never be able to afford. I had to take a step back, and listen to the truth of what God says….
Psalm 139:13-16
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Thank you for this post Natalie. It is a constant struggle, although not one that I deal with on a daily basis, still one I need to take to the Lord more often. Too quickly I let the lies of comparison steal my joy.
Yep, with you sister. And you know Jason and I are both about to attend our 20th’s…Love that we are the same age and we can grow old gracefully together…HA!
Thank you for your support today, heart sister. You move me beyond words with who you are and your friendship.
Love you!
Ahhhh…so easy to fall prey to comparing ourselves and feeling that we don’t measure up. We must love, cherish and celebrate our uniqueness. Blessings to you!
SO easy to fall prey to…Thanks for reading and commenting, sweet Jen!
Of course. Who hasn’t?! (anyone out there?) I think I’m doing ok with comparing myself to others. You know what I struggle with? Comparing myself to this crazy ideal I have of what I’m “supposed” to be. It does not have other women’s names. It’s my own made-up, ridiculous standard. Does comparing yourself with your self count? :)
Oh, girl…You raise a wonderful point. Yes. I do believe we can compare ourselves to the “ideal” of what we think we should attain. Which is precisely why I am removing “should” from my language when I speak to anyone – including myself. “Should” is a very dangerous word…
Thanks for reading and adding your valuable insights, Gaby!
GREAT stuff, my friend! I’ve nearly destroyed myself, at times, by comparing myself to another. It defeated my spirit, decreased my confidence and cause me to doubt everything I said and did. So thankful HE was persistent, pouring into me, reminding me “I am fearfully and wonderfully made… I am fearfully and wonderfully made…”
Love this series!!
YES. Those bullets of truth are your weapons, girl. Fight it.
Thank you for reading, sweet sister.
Thank you!
Oh, I’ll certainly keep reading:))
Once again, beautifully written and SPOT ON!!!! I fall into this trap way too often, with other women, myself (as Gaby suggested) and EVEN my husband (e.g. I wish could play like that with the kids…have as much patience…and so on). I even had this same talk about truth and lies with my sweet 6 year old when I overheard her doing it. The lies can start so young! I agree that it can be paralyzing. I love the verses you and Melinda both quoted. So thankful God uses your gift of writing to remind us all of his amazing TRUTH.