This is not what I planned to write about today.

Originally, I was going to write about our need for female friends and the relationship of Elizabeth and Mary— a model of Christian friendship.

But given where most of our mama hearts are this week, that topic seemed incredibly irrelevant when I sat down at my computer.  Yes, it’s important.  But there are other things weighing on us after last Friday.

We cannot live in fear.  We must choose to trust God and step out in courage. And yes, I wrote about this on Monday at The MOB Society.

Yet.

Here we sit, hearts churning and grieving for adults we have never met yet know so well. Longing to listen to the singing of children we’ve never laid eyes upon and won’t this side of heaven. Knowing there were days before December 14 when those grieving parents were tired and children were cranky.  There were permission slips that needed  to be signed and Christmas shopping to do and homework that needed to be completed at the kitchen table.

It was all just so normal.

This evening, I took all three of my children to the grocery store.  This alone warrants plenty o’ topics I could write about but the main lesson I carried out  with my groceries was humility.

It was the witching hour of 4:30 in the afternoon and a winter storm was approaching the Midwest. This means that grocery stores were the last place you wanted to be but the first place you needed to go.

Towards the end of the trip, when I was short on patience and tall on exhaustion, I snapped a little too harshly at Samuel who was on a sugar high of all sugar highs from the class parties of his day.

While my three were exploring the sucker choices in the candy area of the check-out line, I glanced up to see 20 small faces staring back at me from the cover of People magazine.

I was humbled.  My children are their very ages. Suddenly, the whining about the suckers didn’t seem so bad.

I drank them in for the rest of the night, holding them tight as we watched a Christmas movie on the couch and giggling about stuff that’s funny to kids but not always to adults.

Perhaps its time to not be so serious all the time.

Perhaps its time to just breathe them in a little more deeply.

One of my favorite verses of Luke 2 is the very intimate verse 19: “Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.”

It’s not specifically stated what those treasures were but we know.

The curve of his newborn nose. His first life-filled cries. The first time he fell down and ran to her for comfort. The cute things he said as a toddler.

We moms, we treasure stuff in our hearts that can never be removed. Even by a gunman.

During this holiday season, I’m going to breathe my babies in deep. I’m going to be present and laugh and stop being in such a hurry.

I’m not going to be around here for a few days because honestly, my heart is with them. And my heart is for you because my prayer  is that you do the same.

Unplug along with me?

I’m also committing to praying for each of these families by name—specifically the mothers and the fathers who ponder their children in their hearts but won’t hold them again this side of heaven.

Peace, friends. Please. Peace.

Merry Christmas, dear friends. You have no idea how much this small space blesses me and its because of you. I’ll see you soon.