When I attended She Speaks last year, I met a kindred spirit who I knew would be a friend I would “do life” with if we lived in the same state.
I love her heart. I love her writing. I love her willingness to be vulnerable and real and funny and humble and all those other things that let me know I’ve met someone who’s authentic and not scared to share the brokenness we all possess.
In other words, she rocks. And she’s not afraid to let Jesus shine through the cracks in her own clay pot.
Maybe that’s why I love her so—I’ve got a slew of cracks in my own pot and most days, I’m not too shy about revealing them to the masses. I say “Let your freak flags fly,” sisters.
So when Tracie Stier-Johnson released her new eBook, 31 Days of Forgiveness, I knew it was one I couldn’t miss.
In full disclosure, I must tell you that I struggle with the whole forgiveness thing a bit. I’m OK with forgiving small offenses because we’re human, right? I let people down all the time. We’re all disabled by the flesh.
But it’s those big trespasses that really get me. The ones that alter the course of your life for a while. The ones that leave you breathless for words that are appropriate, that leave you seething at the injustice of it all, that make you just want to take someone by the shoulders and shake ’em while silencing the inner voice you hear reminding you that you’ve been in their shoes, too.
And yet. Even then.
We’re called to forgive.
Even if the offender never offers an apology. Even if you didn’t do a single thing. Even if you think justice wasn’t served.
But while forgiveness is often incredibly difficult to dole-out, it’s not really for the person to whom you’re extending the olive branch now, is it?
Refusing to forgive is the quickest way to give bitterness, anger, resentment, and a slew of other negative emotions that eat the soul the fuel it all so desperately needs.
Using a conversational style that makes the reader feel like you’re talking about this over coffee at her kitchen table, Tracie reiterates that forgiveness is for US. Not them.
Not to mention that when we refuse to forgive, God won’t forgive US. Yikes.
If you forgive those who sin against you, your Heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins. – Matthew 6:14-15 (NLT)
Oh. Crud.
And that’s just what’s left in our heart when we don’t forgive, too: crud.
I personally believe Tracie’s book should be required reading for EVERYONE. Even if you think “I don’t really struggle with this issue,” let me assure you, you will encounter the need to forgive at some point in your life. And you might need a little help.
Tracie’s your girl.
Here’s the overview of chapters:
A Prayer for Forgiveness :: day one
What Is Forgiveness? :: day two
What Forgiveness Is Not :: day three
Why Do We Need to Forgive? :: day four
How Do We Forgive? :: day five
Be Quick to Forgive :: day six
Forgiveness Comes From Love :: day seven
Love Comes from God :: day eight
Radical Love, Radical Forgiveness, and Judgment – Part 1 :: day nine
Radical Love, Radical Forgiveness, and Judgment – Part 2 :: day ten
Radical Love, Radical Forgiveness, and Judgment – Part 3 :: day eleven
Forgiving the Unforgivable :: day twelve
What If I Don’t Forgive? :: day thirteen
Is Forgiving Condoning or Enabling :: day fourteen
If I Forgive, Am I A Doormat? :: day fifteen
Jesus, Friend of Sinners :: day sixteen
Forgive and Forget? :: day seventeen
Is Forgiveness an Option? :: day eighteen
Forgiveness Is An Act of the Will :: day nineteen
Three Strikes, You’re Out? :: day twenty
Give unto Others :: day twenty-one
Forgiving Oneself :: day twenty-two
Does God Really Forgive? :: day twenty-three
The Veil Was Torn :: day twenty-four
Doers of the Word :: day twenty-five
Bless Those Who Curse You :: day twenty-six
The Prodigal Son – Part 1 :: day twenty-seven
The Prodigal Son – Part 2 :: day twenty-eight
The Prodigal Son – Part 3 :: day twenty-nine
Forgiveness Is an Act of Faith :: day thirty
How Do We Know We’ve Forgiven? :: day thirty-one
Bonus Chapters
He Deserves What’s Coming to Him :: one
Redemption :: two
Generational Curses or Sin? :: three
Message of the Cross :: four
Repentance :: five
Tracie also includes a study guide as well as encouraging scriptures and resources to help you along in your forgiveness journey.
And because I believe so much in this whole power of forgiveness thing, I’m giving away five copies.
SO…
Leave me a comment below and let me know 1) if you’ve been set free by forgiveness in the past and/or 2) what’s your biggest challenge with forgiveness? The Random Generator will post the winners on Monday so be sure to check back (or subscribe so you won’t have to remember!) to see if you’ve won!
And if you’re just visiting today for the giveaway and you like it around these parts, can I humbly ask you to consider subscribing via RSS feed or email (top right sidebar) and/or “liking” Mommy on Fire on Facebook? Thank you, oh so much for that consideration.
To order a copy of 31 Days of Forgiveness from Amazon (priced at $5.10),click here.
It will be the best five bucks you’ve ever spent.
A small price for freedom.
We had a horrible experience with our church family. We had an issue with one family, or rather they had an issue with us, but instead of wanting to fix it they drew battle lines and attacked. Our “friends” became pawns in it and no matter how we tried to resolve it it just got worse. After a year and a half of praying and hurting I cried out, “God, Your people suck!” That was the moment I knew I needed to forgive. It has taken almost three years to finally feel like I have forgiven. The biggest challenge for me personally was to understand that forgiveness is not trusting again. It can be, but reconciliation is not always available or necessary. Forgiveness is about you being able to go into God’s throne room as His child once again and not as an accuser like our enemy does. It is about knowing if I want to withhold the cross from those that hurt me I have to be willing to lay it down for myself and I cannot do that. I NEED the cross. I am learning we only have one enemy and he is real and he is crafty. The rest of us are sheep sore in need of a Savior who is Christ Jesus.
Wow…I just showed your comment to my husband because we experienced the EXACT same situation three years ago and I came to the EXACT same conclusion as you did. Admittedly, I had some moments where I was very angry at the church and this specific family but then I realized I needed to lay it down and be refined.
Thanks for sharing your heart – something tells me we could chat for a long time…:) Great to “meet” you here!
I had a moment of “God, I cannot admit this.” and felt His peace immediately. It was time. Thank you for writing in. It is good to know we do not walk these paths alone. God bless you, sweet momma. Prayers for healing, as I understand the anger and the pain. God is Jehovah Rapha and He heals the broken hearts. It is so nice meeting you as well.
Thank you so much for your prayers. Agree – so wonderful to know we aren’t the only people to ever experience the stuff that breaks our hearts…
I appreciate your reminders of truth!
My biggest struggle with forgiveness is not letting the old hurt/pain surface again later on that causes me to dwell on that hurt or pain all over again. Would love to win a copy of this book! Thanks for the giveaway!
Yes, I hear you Hana. It’s a daily choice.
I have come to realize that I must ask God to change ME. I need Him to help me in every situation, whether it is when i need forgiveness or i need to give forgiveness. When I am able to change my attitude I am able to see everything differently.
SO true. Thanks for your wisdom!!
My first marriage was abusive and very hard to overcome. I did eventually find a way to fogive with the help of some wonderful spiritual mentors and a Christian counselor. I have to admit that after my second divorce from a man that claimed/ and played the role of a Christian it has been a challenge. Ever time I think I have gotten “there” I find there are still ill feelings there. I believe my biggest challege is the hurt seems to go much deeper than I think sometimes. Maybe it is just layers that I am working through.
I am still working as I find feelings there that I am not proud of. I want to have a wholeness and completely forgive.
Tammy, it sounds like you are well on your way. Depending on the offense, forgiveness comes in layers and in stages. Sometimes it takes a day, sometimes it takes years to fully feel free from the hurt.
Thank you for sharing your heart here, sister.
Thank you, it is comforting to know that layers are okay right now. A girl can get a complex after being disregarded twice for other women. I have felt very good about the relationship I am in now and just recently started getting anxious wondering if I will be good enough. I keep hearing the scripture in 2 Timothy 1:7, He has not given me the sprirt of fear, but of power and of love and a sound mind.
I had an emotionally abusive father growing up. So many times I wished he would just hit me, because I knew that would not hurt as much as the words of hate he spewed at me. I eventually got out of the situation, and was able to not be around him. After I had my first child, he reached out to me. I tried to be open to listen, but I quickly realized he hadn’t changed. One night he was standing at my front door, his voice raising as my innocent child slept in the next room, and I suddenly felt so sorry for him. I felt sorry for all of the guilt I knew he felt, and I felt sorry for the shell of a man I knew he had become. I knew his life didn’t turn out the way he had expected, and I knew his rage toward everyone, including me, were part of his brokenness. The wave of peace washed over me and I interrupted him. I told him I couldn’t have a relationship with him, but that I forgave him for what he did to me. He looked confused and angry, but left. I never really understood forgiveness until that night, and suddenly I was free. Free from years of anger, resentment and damage. God is great!
Jen, what you say here is KEY – so often, the offenders in our lives are acting from a position of complete brokenness. And while it’s true that we ALL are broken, some have done more work in the area of healing than others. What a beautiful gift of grace and mercy the Holy Spirit gave you what could have been a really emotionally exhausting moment. Healthy boundaries are critical but it’s important to forgive as well.
Thanks for sharing your heart here, Jen.
I have a hard time forgiving the person for a while then I figure it is not worth it. Now as for what the forgiveness is for that is a different story. I know that I should not hold resentment in, but I can not find it inside myself to let it go. I have hopes in the Higher Power to help me and cleanse my soul and thoughts. I just won’t be able to tell this person that I forgive her because she has walked out of my life and has never looked back and now has moved. Maybe some day we will cross paths again and I can feel free of this feeling.
Kelli, thank you so much for your transparency. I will tell you; however, that luckily, you don’t have to wait upon that person to feel free. Forgiveness is for yourself – you might stand in her unforgiveness but she does not hold the power to keep you in chains. Just wanted to encourage you in this!
Thanks for reading and commenting!
First of all I am definitely NOT a completely normal human being! Ha! I have more trouble forgetting the wrong done to me than actually forgiving the person. Trusting that person again is difficult for me but being the peace lover that I am I’d rather get over it and go on.
You ARE very normal, Mrs. P! I hear you on that but that’s not often such a bad thing…Sometimes those boundaries are necessary. I hear what you’re saying though…I love peace, too. :)
Thanks for reading and commenting, Dana!
Your post today made me realize that I have a pattern for walking away from people when they hurt me. At the moment I feel it’s the right thing to do, but then months or years later, I find myself wishing I had taken the time to try to work through the hurt and possibly forgive them. Forgiveness is so hard for me, but your comment “when we refuse to forgive, God won’t forgive US” hit me hard. This book sounds like something I definitely need to read, whether I win it or buy it. So glad that you made a connection with Tracie and shared that with us!
Karen, thank you so much for being so humble and real. That particular comment came from my own realization that refusing to forgive has an long-term impact.
Thank you for reading and commenting, Karen!
My biggest challenge is that I wont be vindicated.
Yep, I hear you on this one, Deb! It’s a challenge for sure!
I want to share a story of forgiveness.
I was not taught to forgive. I was raised in a christian home, but as I have grown up I have come to realize unforgiveness is a generational sin in our family. I knew it was kind of an issue for me, but I always thought yeah I had some things to work on, but I was doing alright in the forgiveness department. I had a particular person, “Pat” who had offended me and my son and I really thought I had worked through it because I didn’t think about it much.
That all changed when I joined a group at church on forgiveness. In the second class I got the opportunity to do an exercise where I was to pretend a chair was Pat and tell them all the things they had done wrong to me. This event was a catalyst to massive change in my life. Sitting there talking to the chair, I started yelling, cussing and spewing out so much hate, anger, rage, and bitterness! I was as shocked as everyone else, because up until then I really thought I had a hold on my issues with Pat. Starting on that night, emotion was my best friend. It was like God opened the floodgates in my heart and all this JUNK was coming out! I had finally realized the work that had to be done.
Many nights in the next 9 months, I wept over the pain of what had been done to me, and more so for the eminent pain my son would endure because of Pat. I prayed endlessly–God take this!! I knew I had to get this forgiveness thing for my good, but also for my son who would surely need to know the skills as he realized the pain of the situation with Pat. I HATED this person with everything I had in me. I even wished death upon them many times. For 7 years I had been battling my issues with Pat. It was my M.O. to just keep pushing the pain down and doing everything I could to keep from thinking about it. I was so scared to let this stuff out. It would only make things worse, right? I believed that lie for a very long time.
Nights of emotion just flowing out of me, praying and singing–that was my life in that time. There were respites of peace, but not for long. Each time there was peace though, there was something new in my soul–there was just a tiny bit more room for love in place of the little bit of hurt I had cried and prayed through. I am able to see this now, but at the time it seemed like I would be in that place for forever! There was finally a night of total breakthrough. through my tears that night, I envisioned myself walking up to the cross with a box full of this Pat stuff. The emotion, the pain, the tragedy, and the bitterness– All of it was in this box. I walked up to the cross, set it down, turned around and walked away. I had so much peace walking away from it. I went to sleep soundly that night.
The next day I ran into someone who knew Pat. I would usually let mutual acquaintances know who I was in relation to Pat and help them put the details together to figure out how I had been so deeply wronged. I felt a lot of power in letting Pat look like the bad guy. But this time something was different. I had no desire what so ever to do that. There was a huge void of anger in my life and honestly I was confused at where it had gone. It took a day or two to realize I actually had COMPASSION for Pat! I was as unbelieving as the next guy–I tried to trick my mind into getting mad again, but it jut wasn’t happenin! I was experiencing something that was so foreign to me: Pain and bitterness were no longer my companions. I describe it as being supernatural, never in my wildest dreams would I have believed that God could have brought me out of that JUNK to this place of complete peace. What a LIE that was!!! I’m saddened to know how long I believed it!! There was such a freedom in this new compassion for Pat. I am able to pray for them now! Never thought THAT would happen!
Through this single act of forgiveness God has most definitely changed my life! I now try and forgive as soon as I am offended, I am much more connected to my emotions, and I am nicer. But the most important and life-changing thing that has happened is I am able to love like I never was able to before. I’m able to (most of the time) see a person for who they are, not what they have done to me. Every time I think of this, my heart just bursts with gratitude for the work Jesus did for me. Honestly, my words can’t describe what gratitude and pure humility I feel when I think back to all the good God has done for me and for others. WOOOHOOOO is all I can think of to say when I feel this way! :)
Thank you, Natalie, for your blog! Such an encouragement!!! And thank you for the opportunity to share!!
Kati, this is a beautiful story. I can’t thank you enough for sharing it here. FREEDOM is the best part of forgiveness.
Thank you again, sweet sister.
I’m faced with a situation where I am continually being asked (verbally and tacitly) to forgive and to let love cover a multitude of transgressions. It’s hard. Very, very hard, because it’s the closest personal relationship I have. This has been going on for almost 20 years, and I’ve had to suffer the consequences many times of this other person’s sins. What it comes down to is that the situation may not be what I want it to be, but that God’s goal for me is to still show Christ-likeness, even when I have an imperfect person impacting my life in fairly dramatic ways. That involves letting this other person make those same mistakes, over and over, and yet loving them and gently encouraging them to make the right choices. Yes, there has been progress. It’s not as fast as I would wish it to be, but God is still in control, and He has made it clear to me that this situation will change in HIS timing, not mine. I could always use help in focusing on what true forgiveness is.
Thank you for this, Anonymous. I would venture to say you are not the only one out there with this type of situation.
True heart progress can be painfully slow – hold fast. I know you are but I wanted to encourage you to do so.
Thanks again for sharing this beautiful piece of your heart.
Years ago a fellow teacher Jody and I had a disagreement
(I can’t even remember what it was about). So minor, but
We stopped talking to each other. One day when we teachers
went out to lunch as a department. Jody walked into the restaurant,
quietly handed me a note asking me to forgive her. Of course I did.
She taught me by her example. A few years later, Jody died of
cancer. How we miss her and her spirit in the school!
YES, Betty! Life is far too short and we aren’t ever guaranteed tomorrow. Thank you for this reminder.
I had to forgive someone of a terrible unthinkable offense he committed…and is serving time for…it was very personal and affected others. I never got the “I’m sorry” that I wanted but I eventually forgave and it honestly helped with my life…and I felt liberated and free. It was hard and I don’t ever forget what was done but by forgiving I have been able to move on.
Yes, Sherri, I agree. Forgiving is liberating and so freeing – perfect words!
I’m sorry for what you have experienced. If it is something that requires incarceration of the offender, I’m certain it was no easy path to walk. I pray that you are feeling Him there during your healing because He is very present in it all.
Thank you for reading and sharing your heart!