I’ve had a few people ask me over the past two days where I stand on this whole gay marriage thing.
And if you remember this, then you also remember my response to when He confirms He does indeed want me to talk about whatever hard issues I would rather just not?
Crap.
Yes. The eloquent word of “crap” crosses my lips.
So allow me to begin this post that deals with a passionate topic with . . . Crap.
Let me start out by saying I don’t believe in compromising truth. However, I do strongly believe in the power of relationship. Jesus influences me on this one.
Remember the old phrase of “you’ll catch more flies with honey rather than vinegar?”
Precisely.
I remember twenty years ago (ohmyword), when I landed on the campus of Indiana University as a college freshmen, timidly walking to my first class EVER on a campus of 50,000 students. There, in front of Ballantine Hall, was a man on a plastic crate holding a bullhorn, telling all of us hellions where we would be going if we didn’t choose to follow Jesus right then and there.
Not once did I ever hear of anyone becoming a believer because of him nor did I ever see him taken seriously.
And while I wasn’t a follower back in those good old days, I knew his heart was well-intended. At least I chose to believe it was.
He just didn’t quite understand how to reach a modern culture and teach it’s people about who Jesus really was versus shoving it down their throats by telling them how awful they were.
One of my favorite passages in the Bible hails from John 8. The Pharisees, the group of Jews who were more concerned with rules rather than relationships, brought a woman who had committed adultery to Jesus. “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” they ask.
Scripture documents that Jesus was consistently fed-up with the Pharisees. They angered Him—with righteous anger, of course. He turned them on their heads quite often.
“Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her,” Jesus tells the Pharisees. Eventually, everyone leaves and the only two standing are Jesus and the adulteress. She is forgiven and told to “leave your life of sin.”
He didn’t scream at her. He didn’t tell her what a sinner she was. He didn’t say she didn’t have any rights because of her poor choices.
He met her right where she was and though scripture doesn’t document this, I’m guessing this woman chose to follow Jesus for the rest of her days–and is there with Him now.
When we talk about how terrible homosexuals are, we are no different than one of those Pharisees. There isn’t one of us without sin (another reason I’m thankful for Jesus) and, praise God, there isn’t a weighing of sins, either: a sin is a sin is a sin. When we remove the log in our eye, this becomes evident.
While the Pharisees drove Jesus a bit crazy, the tax-collectors and the prostitutes were a whole different ball-game. He sought them out. He loved them. He met them right where they were because here’s the thing: Jesus didn’t come for the healthy. He came for the sick.
And here’s the other thing: we’re all sick.
Even the Pharisees were sick. They just didn’t know it.
So while maybe I can’t say I approve wholeheartedly of the lifestyle chosen by homosexuals, I can say that I choose to love the people over the sin.
I would welcome them into my home. I would listen to their hearts. I would serve them dinner.
Because it’s only in developing relationships that we’ll make lasting change for the kingdom.
Furthermore, making changes for kingdom impact involves love—not hate. Nor does this mean we compromise the truth. Instead, we pepper the love with gentle truth when the time is appropriate. In other words, when the relationship is there. This is knowing how to wisely live in the world but not be of the world.
Recently, Ohio Senator Rob Portman reversed his opinion of same-sex marriages and chose to support rather than vote against. What changed? Two years prior, his son revealed he was homosexual. After processing this information over those two years, he concluded his son had the same right to be happy as his wife and he did.
In other words, Senator Portman’s son put skin on the issue for him.
Which is why the gay marriage thing is not a hill I’m willing to die upon. We have friends and a family member who count themselves as homosexual. There’s skin on the issue for us.
We love them. We don’t love their lifestyle but they probably don’t love that I flipped out on my children last night over their incessant whining. They’re aware of how we feel because our convictions still stand–but our compassion shines brighter.
I personally would like to see the term “marriage” be kept for a man and a woman but if homosexuals want to have a civil union to ensure health care benefits and other legal rights we married people enjoy, so be it.
It’s about semantics. It’s about losing the battle but winning the war. It’s about choosing relationship first. I am willing to die upon the hill of abolishing hate.
Then, and only then, is this war won with love.
Love wins yet again. And since God is love (1 John 4:8), God wins.
Which is really just enough for me. His grace is sufficient.
I understand how sensitive this topic is to so many. I also understand not all Christians agree with me on this stance and that’s OK. I would ask that if this is the case with you, you don’t make judgments against me as I believe if we all agreed on everything, we wouldn’t ever grow and see other perspectives. I also ask that your response be respectful and not derogatory to any individual person or group of people. If this occurs, I know you will understand why I will remove them. Thank you.
Well said Natalie! Thank you for your courage to take a stand and be transparent about your views. I feel so pulled on this topic as you can imagine. I’m comforted by your words!
Love
Lana
Yes, I’m sure you are, Lana. My friend, Mandy, just pointed out Romans 14 from The Message to me – you should read it, too. I think you’ll find it to be filled with wisdom, too.
Natalie. How beautiful is the Father? He so totally blows me away with His perfect wisdom and timing. I said this very same sentiment to my husband just today. Jesus didn’t come to make a political change. He came to change hearts. And He did it with love and by meeting each person right where they were, like you said. Our job is to share Jesus and to love. It’s the Holy Spirit’s job to change hearts. This is such a wonderful post. And–yet again–I feel it’s no accident that God has placed us in each other’s paths. God has really been working on me in the area of grace. He led me to Romans 14:1-4 yesterday when I was feeling so upset about the whole topic of gay marriage. He gently put me in my place and this post gives me confirmation that the whispers to my heart are from Him. Thank you for sharing your heart. <3
YES. YES. And YES. We are such kindred spirits, girl. I say this often – it’s not my job to change people. Only the Holy Spirit can change people. It’s true that the Holy Spirit can USE me to be an instrument in this but in the end, it’s only the spirit that can do this.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, friend.
Oh my, Natalie…just re-read Romans 14 in the Message version…AMAZING!
WOW. Thank you for sharing this with me, Mandy. I don’t always check the Message version so I appreciate you bringing this to my attention! Spot-on!
So well written. I don’t know why I would be surprised! Thank you for so eloquently putting this issue into words.
Thanks, Lisa! :)
This is the first and only thing I’ve posted on Facebook that has to do with same-sex marriage. I think you nailed it. Thank you for following God’s leading and writing this hard post. I followed it up by posting Keith and Kristyn Getty’s Gethsemane, as it so plainly portrays that Christ died for all sins, big and small. Also, this is the first time I’ve been to your page and I was delighted to see that you have my favorite verse, and in my favorite version, posted under your picture. <3 Keep up the good work.
Awesome, Chris! Don’t you just love Isaiah 61? It’s my life verse.
Great to “meet” you here – thanks for the encouragement!
I am very much aligned with how you feel. Unfortunately, after expressing my own views, I still came under attack. I was told that I was a horrible Christian. In all honesty, I decided that I too should speak up and say what is on my heart, according to what I feel God s leading me to say. After the day was over I realized that the real battle was among Christians. It was not between people who choose to be gay and Christians. It reminded me of how the Republican party tore each other apart. Christians attacked me. Their justification was that if you are against gay marriage then you do not love gay people. I fell to my knees and prayed. While some may have called me names, in the end, I could care less about that, I am more concerned with whether they have a true relationship with Christ. Even as Christians we have different opinions. We should lift each other up. Someone said we are not showing love toward gays. What about love toward a fellow Christian. I appreciate all that you write about here. I believe that you posted this with love. I also believe that you want the same thing as me, for people to have a relationship with Christ alone, period. Thank you so much for writing this…You articulate and write so well and I wish I had been able to write what I felt this way! Have a wonderful Easter celebration. Blessings, Brandy
I’m sorry you felt attacked by other belivers, Brandy. That’s no fun, for sure.
Thank you for your kind words. It’s alright if we don’t all see eye-to-eye but it’s not alright to hate. I think you are right – we are saying the same thing.
Thank you for sharing your heart, Brandy!
I like your article till it gets to the Senator. Marriage is clearly intended to be a picture of Christ & His church & supporting the perversion of that simply because we know people who want to sin in that way seems very lukewarm – like, we stand for righteousness unless it offends people. The scripture is offensive it says it will divide families, it doesn’t say when it gets offensive, water it down. I don’t see the justification for supporting the distortion of God’s design for marriage & the family.
Thanks for sharing your view on this, Jennifer. It gives us all something to think about.
I have been so torn over this…I GET what you are saying, Natalie. But if I had read this a month ago…even a WEEK ago…before God really worked on my heart and showed me Jesus wasn’t about changing laws, but about changing hearts, I would have been outraged at your thoughts. {I think} (and we can take this with a grain of salt) ;) that Christ charges us with loving others and sharing the gospel. We can love others AND be bold in our faith and firm in our convictions about God’s word without disenfranchising others. What people choose to do with that Truth is up to them. God will go where He is invited…not where he is legislated or mandated. Do I believe marriage is to be between one man and one woman? Yes. Absolutely. I believe God’s Word is very clear about this. I like your wording about it not being a hill you’re willing to die on. I look back at every place in my life where God was able to change my heart–specifically through people…and it was never in a bullying, rude, finger-pointed-in-my-face way. Never. It was done through love with someone who I had a relationship and rapport with. They listened to me. I felt heard and then they presented me with God’s Word and allowed me to decide for myself. They were clear in their convictions, but loved me right where I was.
This is a HARD topic. I think it’s important to all look at our OWN motives and check ourselves before we start pointing out our brothers’ and sisters’ faults in an “I’m right and you’re wrong” method. Unfortunately, this is a very polarizing subject–even among Christians–and it’s just another way satan gets a foothold on us and divides us.
Jennifer, I agree with what you just said.
Natalie,
Thanks so much for writing this. I come from a family and group of friends where there are many, many people who identify as LGTBQ, and I’m often thrust in the role of Christian apologist/ easy target (for those who do not know my personal views, just the mainstream cultural characterization of the “Christian” view on this issue).. I’ve tried to articulate similar views, and I so appreciate your eloquence.
Natalie,
Well said friend! The biggest reason I turned away from God for so long was because it was being “pushed down my throat”. Why in the world would someone who is loving and kind (but may not be a believer) ever want to join the ranks of people who claim to be “christian” by judging and passing condemnation? I wish people understood what a “turnoff” to Christianity that actually is. I don’t ever recall reading in the Bible that we will be present on our neighbor’s judgement day. Let’s let God do his job of being the judge. Instead, as christian’s let’s be examples of God’s love instead of examples of the Pharisees. I COMPLETELY agree with Rick Warren’s quote above – we don’t have to agree with other people’s beliefs to still show them love and compassion and showing them love and compassion does NOT infer also sharing their beliefs.
Thanks for bearing your soul and obeying when God prompted you to put your thoughts to “paper.” I know that is not easy and often leads to you doubting and worrying (if you’re anything like me after I write a post like this), so I applaud your follow-through! :) And I couldn’t agree more.
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Natalie….You have written beautifully about this sensitive topic. Your very special Christian grace is revealed in this (and all of your literary contributions.) Love you!
“It’s about semantics.” – I wholeheartedly agree with this statement. I’m a straight, married woman & I would be willing to call my marriage a civil union because my husband & I were not married by a pastor or in a church, if it meant that gay people got the same rights that I did.
And as an agnostic, just because I’m not sure what to believe in, that doesn’t mean that you’re wrong for feeling the way that you do. That you speak your message with love and not hate speaks volumes more to me than anything else that I’ve heard in this debate.
Thanks, Katie. I am passionate about teaching others about who Jesus really was and not what religion has made Him to be. While I do believe Jesus was angered at times with a righteous anger, the legalism that exists in the church today is not quite what He had in mind.
We are all on personal journeys of faith and I pray for you as your walk yours. I would be happy to talk to you about my own journey if you are ever interested.
Thanks for reading and commenting, Katie!
I agree with you, am glad to see you taking the brave road of writing about this
beautifully put!
Saying that you don’t agree with the lifestyles that homosexuals chose, but you are willing to love them not their lifestyle, is still supporting their cause. They don’t know the difference, and they will think what they are doing is ok, and it’s not. This is the same reason God destroyed sodom and Gamorrah, and people are just going along with it blindly one after another falling off the cliff. Sometimes tough love is the answer. You can worry about hurting someones feelings on earth. What about their Soul, isn’t that the real target. Or are you willing to let your love on go to hell just as long as he or she is happy on earth. No I won’t be apart of that. I would rather save my own soul that to wine and dine with the devil. Our society was made to believe people were born this way, and that is totally false. When God finished his creation he said it was good, until some way or the other we let the enemy come in. For people that don’t believe in evil spirits, or demonic possession. Let me tell you I have been to a continent outside the USA and you see that sort of thing live and you have to wonder why we invited them to stay with us, instead of casting them out. For instance do you know in certain countries if you announce you are a homosexual, you can be jailed up to 15 years in prison? These are societies that refuses to take sides with evil instead uphold their morally and christian values. We need to learn from example.
I also forgot to requote the words from Pastor Rick Warren at the beginning of this post:
“Our culture has accepted two huge lies. The first is that if you disagree with someone’s lifestyle, you must fear or hate them. The second is that to love someone means you agree with everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense. You don’t have to compromise convictions to be compassionate.”