I’ve had a few people ask me over the past two days where I stand on this whole gay marriage thing.

Remember last week when I mentioned how I’ll sometimes feel the nudge to write on a certain topic and when that nudge doesn’t go away, I pray for God to confirm its really from Him?

And if you remember this, then you also remember my response to when He confirms He does indeed want me to talk about whatever hard issues I would rather just not?


Yes. The eloquent word of “crap” crosses my lips.

So allow me to begin this post that deals with a passionate topic with . . . Crap.

Let me start out by saying I don’t believe in compromising truth. However, I do strongly believe in the power of relationship. Jesus influences me on this one.

Remember the old phrase of “you’ll catch more flies with honey rather than vinegar?”


I remember twenty years ago (ohmyword), when I landed on the campus of Indiana University as a college freshmen, timidly walking to my first class EVER on a campus of 50,000 students. There, in front of Ballantine Hall, was a man on a plastic crate holding a bullhorn, telling all of us hellions where we would be going if we didn’t choose to follow Jesus right then and there.

Not once did I ever hear of anyone becoming a believer because of him nor did I ever see him taken seriously.

And while I wasn’t a follower back in those good old days, I knew his heart was well-intended. At least I chose to believe it was.

He just didn’t quite understand how to reach a modern culture and teach it’s people about who Jesus really was versus shoving it down their throats by telling them how awful they were.

One of my favorite passages in the Bible hails from John 8. The Pharisees, the group of Jews who were more concerned with rules rather than relationships, brought a woman who had committed adultery to Jesus. “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” they ask.

Scripture documents that Jesus was consistently fed-up with the Pharisees. They angered Him—with righteous anger, of course. He turned them on their heads quite often.

“Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her,” Jesus tells the Pharisees. Eventually, everyone leaves and the only two standing are Jesus and the adulteress. She is forgiven and told to “leave your life of sin.”

He didn’t scream at her. He didn’t tell her what a sinner she was. He didn’t say she didn’t have any rights because of her poor choices.

He met her right where she was and though scripture doesn’t document this, I’m guessing this woman chose to follow Jesus for the rest of her days–and is there with Him now.

When we talk about how terrible homosexuals are, we are no different than one of those Pharisees. There isn’t one of us without sin  (another reason I’m thankful for Jesus) and, praise God, there isn’t a weighing of sins, either: a sin is a sin is a sin. When we remove the log in our eye, this becomes evident.

While the Pharisees drove Jesus a bit crazy, the tax-collectors and the prostitutes were a whole different ball-game. He sought them out. He loved them. He met them right where they were because here’s the thing: Jesus didn’t come for the healthy. He came for the sick.

And here’s the other thing: we’re all sick.

Even the Pharisees were sick. They just didn’t know it.

So while maybe I can’t say I approve wholeheartedly of the lifestyle chosen by homosexuals, I can say that I choose to love the people over the sin.

I would welcome them into my home. I would listen to their hearts. I would serve them dinner.

Because it’s only in developing relationships that we’ll make lasting change for the kingdom.

Furthermore, making changes for kingdom impact involves love—not hate. Nor does this mean we compromise the truth. Instead, we pepper the love with gentle truth when the time is appropriate. In other words, when the relationship is there. This is knowing how to wisely live in the world but not be of the world.

Recently, Ohio Senator Rob Portman reversed his opinion of same-sex marriages and chose to support rather than vote against. What changed? Two years prior, his son revealed he was homosexual. After processing this information over those two years, he concluded his son had the same right to be happy as his wife and he did.

In other words, Senator Portman’s son put skin on the issue for him.

Which is why the gay marriage thing is not a hill I’m willing to die upon. We have friends and a family member who count themselves as homosexual. There’s skin on the issue for us.

We love them. We don’t love their lifestyle but they probably don’t love that I flipped out on my children last night over their incessant whining. They’re aware of how we feel because our convictions still stand–but our compassion shines brighter.

I personally would like to see the term “marriage” be kept for a man and a woman but if homosexuals want to have a civil union to ensure health care benefits and other legal rights we married people enjoy, so be it.

It’s about semantics. It’s about losing the battle but winning the war. It’s about choosing relationship first. I am willing to die upon the hill of abolishing hate.

Then, and only then, is this war won with love.

Love wins yet again. And since God is love (1 John 4:8), God wins.

Which is really just enough for me. His grace is sufficient.

I understand how sensitive this topic is to so many. I also understand not all Christians agree with me on this stance and that’s OK. I would ask that if this is the case with you, you don’t make judgments against me as I believe if we all agreed on everything, we wouldn’t ever grow and see other perspectives.  I also ask that your response be respectful and not derogatory to any individual person or group of people. If this occurs, I know you will understand why I will remove them. Thank you.






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