great sexpectations

So. Here we are again.

The sex topic from last week hit a nerve with quite a few of you. I heard from many and let me tell you, I love hearing how God stirs you so please don’t stop sharing. Message me, leave a comment, if you know me in-real-life tell me, whatever. It’s amazing to watch the chain reaction as He moves through His people.

So last week, we talked about the importance of intimacy in marriage. We discussed how our men don’t just want it, they need it and if they don’t get it?

Ain’t nobody happy.

But the number one comment I heard from all of you out there?

“I know it’s important but how do I get myself to stop making my grocery list while it’s happening?”

Since I’ve never had this problem (are you remembering that my husband reads my blog?), I’m just GUESSING that the following could possibly motivate the overloaded and tired woman:

1. Tell your husband you can’t just run and jump in the sack. Here’s the thing: they can. Usually. They don’t need any warming up if you know what I mean. Tell him how it’s hard for you to just “shut it off” and let him know you are trying. There is NOTHING sexier than close communication in a marriage and he will likely appreciate you trusting him enough to discuss a problem with him.

2. Recognize the need to pour-in to our marriages like we pour-in to other relationships. We really should be pouring into our marriage more than we pour into other relationships but raise your hand if you do this . . . And for the record, my hands are on the keyboard. We forget how much they need us (and we fail to recognize how much we need them) and, like any relationship, our marriages need tending. Part of this tending involves having a healthy intimate life.

3. Talk about his “sexpectations” – how much is “enough” for him? The reason I include this is because you might be thinking, “Well, we have sex once a week. That’s enough.” Which might be for you. But he could be dying on the vine.

4. Unload your brain, sisters. Now this? Might be the most difficult thing we face in this realm, girls. About thirty minutes before show-time, sit down and write-out anything that might creep into your mind while you are supposed to be focusing only on your hubs. Literally vomit your brain onto a piece of paper. IF your brain betrays you even after you have done this, train it to refocus back on your husband. Our minds need training just like the rest of our bodies need to be trained as well.

5. Plan for it and make it a priority. We get busy, don’t we? If your house is anything like mine, Jason and I could go do the things we need to get done individually and suddenly, it’s 10:30 and we’re exhausted. Don’t let anything interfere.

6. Recognize that sometimes, action precedes emotion. Yes, there have been times in which I didn’t necessarily “feel” like it. But, in the end, I’m always happy I got over it.

7. Focus on having fun. Laughing together is an awesome way to bond. Just this past Saturday night, Jason and I were playing “Wheel of Fortune” on the Wii (this is what we do for fun, people) and he suddenly emphatically burst out with “Hollywood Bowl! Hollywood Bowl! Hollywood Bowl!” I stared at him blankly until I figured out it was my turn and he was telling me the answer. I thought it was his turn. “Did you think I had Tourette’s Syndrome and just had to keep yelling ‘Hollywood Bowl’?” he asked. I’m still laughing about it. Clearly, it doesn’t take much.

8. And who says there’s anything wrong with a glass of wine (or whatever you prefer)? Alright, now please don’t write-in and tell me it’s not healthy for me to advise women to drink every time they have sex. If you must be smashed every time, then this might be a problem. But a glass of wine or two? Works for me.

9. Flirt throughout the day. Text messages can be fun. Or pinch his bottom when you walk by him in the hall. Or tell him how extra-handsome he looks. But be careful: I once sent a flirtatious text by accident to my friend, Dana. Luckily, she’s a dear friend and we got a good laugh out of it BUT . . .  The message before her text (which I think I hit by accident when I tried to text Jason) was from my pastor. Can you imagine the embarrassment? Talk about God’s grace and protection. I was actually thankful Dana received it after that scare.

10. Lower. Your. Expectations. OK, sisters. I have a feeling this is going to hit a nerve with some of you and I’m sorry. It’s not my intention to ruffle feathers (in fact, I hate to stir the pot. Remember how I’m a recovering people-pleaser?) When we read romance novels, it’s the same as our men watching porn. I know this sounds extreme but what’s our number one beef with porn? That it creates unrealistic expectations of not only what a normal woman should look like but it also raises the bar so high sexually that many times, we won’t measure-up and our men are left feeling disappointed because we aren’t reenacting what they’ve seen. But guess what? So often, the characters we read about in romance novels make us feel ungrateful for who we have. Here’s the thing: these men do not exist. The author has taken several wonderful qualities from various men and created one being –but he isn’t real. And when we compare our men to the men that don’t exist, it’s pretty much the same thing as them comparing us to a porn star. We, and they, are doomed from the start.

There you have it, sisters. Stuff I’ve *heard* will work to get you in the mood . . . and bring peace to your home. :)

I have now become your husband’s favorite blogger . . .