I know this will be shocking to you all but . . . I like to talk.
In fact, it seems like I’ve always got something to say. A way to relate to whoever is talking. A quick bit of advice that’s helped me along the way that just must be shared. Reassuring someone she’s not alone and it’s perfectly normal to feel like running away sometimes.
But. (You knew that was coming, didn’t you?)
I’m learning something here: God has recently been telling me to hush.
Especially in my marriage.
You know what else? I love to analyze and smooth every single disagreement out. I want to get to the root of what’s really going on and work through it so we can all just move-on.
I know this sounds like the healthy thing to do and sometimes it is – but not always.
My old self did think we needed to hash-out every single little squabble and get to the root of why he insists on leaving protein shake canisters on the counter when I’ve incessantly expressed my need for visual peace – a peace not marred by those ridiculously large monstrosities of plastic.
But sometimes? There really isn’t a deep-rooted issue that needs to shake-out.
Sometimes, it just is what it is. (Deep. I know.)
Not to mention that beating everything to death can be exhausting – for the listener. It’s a breeding ground for exasperation.
Yes, there is stuff that needs to be discussed. Just not every little thing.
You know the verse in James, the one where we’re told to be slow to anger, quick to listen, and slow to speak? That one convicts this girl’s heart more than any other verse in the Bible.
Because here’s the thing: I’m pretty quick to anger and I’m even quicker to speak. Not to mention the listening thing hasn’t always been my specialty.
And it’s not just the tough issues that can lead to too much talking, either.
I can tell when Jason’s reached his threshold of verbals for the day: glossed over eyes. Grunts of half-listening at the right places. A sheepish grin that says “I love you and I care about you but I need to sit in the quiet for a minute and process.”
I married a man who’s a thinker. I’m a microwave; he’s a slow-cooker. If something comes up, I’m quick to think it over, pray, and get down to the business of solving it. Within minutes.
Not Jason. He simmers . . . and simmers . . . and simmers.
But you know what? The man is wise. There really hasn’t ever been a time when he’s led us astray – and we’ve had to make some hard decisions.
So I’m trying to be more of a slow-cooker. Less talking, more listening, praying, and just being. Being a microwave isn’t bad but like anything else, the sweet spot is in the middle.
These days, I’m praying for wisdom – wisdom to know when to speak and when to stay quiet. Wisdom in knowing when God is nudging me to be an instrument or when He’s asking me to just pray and trust Him to do what He does best. Wisdom in knowing when my words will help and when my words will hurt.
Something tells me He’s been waiting for me to do just this for quite some time now.
I do believe that when I ask my husband to read this post, he will be thanking you!
Great subject! I know you said the sweet spot is somewhere in the middle, but I’d say the middle isn’t such a great place to be. I am the definition of “the middle”. I frequently am slow to speak with my wife while she is talking a mile a minute about things that concern the family or the day to day goings on. However, I am quick to speak alot of the times, especially when emotions are involved or I have to make work decisions (the police officer in me takes over at times to try to make things work- sometimes forcing them to work).
I guess for me, the middle ground is confusing. With family, I usually don’t know when to speak or hold my tongue. I choose the wrong battles at times and sometimes don’t stand up for what I believe in when I should. I generally try to avoid confrontation and try to be the peacemaker, but when I lose it, I lose it.
I guess what I’m trying to say, I’m not sure there is a perfect place to be in this situation. I guess what’s best is to lean on the Bible, as you mentioned, in being slow to anger, quick to listen, and slow to speak. Who can argue with the Bible? I completely understand what you meant by the middle ground, but in my little world, it is a confusing and sometimes lonely place to be. I will admit that I probably waffle on too many issues because I either speak too fast or too slow and don’t know what is better for any particular situation… if that makes sense. The one factor that I do subscribe to in my life is that I am quick to listen. Maybe that makes a difference, but overall I am in the middle and I don’t like it one bit!
Oh, I needed that. I'm a microwave too, and my husband is a slow cooker, but very wise. He doesn't talk unless he has something important to say, and after 45 years of marriage, I get that. I'm with Jen. When my husband reads this, he will also be thanking you! LOL
Thank you for posting this. You knew exactly what I needed to hear.