The Praying for Boys book study is off to a powerful start! We’ve grown to a relatively large group of mothers praying for their sons and grandsons and this, my friends, is power. If you would like to join us, simply show-up here each Monday, participate in discussion by commenting on the post and ask to be a part of the Praying for Boys Facebook group by clicking here. Simple yet transformational . . .
If you are just joining us, our first post can be found here.
So this week, we’ll focus on Chapter Three – “What is Prayer and Why Should We Do It?”
“O Lord, please let the man of God whom you sent come again to us and teach us what we are to do with the child who will be born.” – Judges 13:8
Can I get an “amen” anywhere out there? I felt this way after each of my three children were born.
Becoming a parent is indeed a joyous occasion but let’s not kid ourselves . . . it can also be terrifying.
There are countless moments of realizing you have no idea what you’re doing. There are even more moments when doubt creeps in and the guilt . . . oh, the guilt.
And yet.
I cannot ever express how much I love being a mother.
But I know I can’t do this alone because I am so incredibly inadequate. Embarrassingly so.
Yet He entrusted my husband and I to be the parents to these exact three children sleeping under our roof.
It’s no accident.
God entrusted us to raise these children even though He knows how disabled we are by the flesh. Even though we sinned horribly in the past. Even though we sin now. Even though He knows how at the end of our ropes we sometimes feel.
Even though.
He knows we can’t do it alone because quite simply . . . we lack the strength.
But strength is exactly what our boys need to fight agains the ruler of the earth. He doesn’t have to be strapping and insanely strong like Samson to be a mighty warrior for God because being a mighty warrior for God has nothing to do with physical strength.
Prayer, my friends, is the only way we can achieve the goal I know we all have for each of our sons: to become godly men who lead their families well and leave this earth a little bit better than when they arrived.
On page 22, Brooke talks about four parts of prayer: talking, asking, listening, and believing.
Talking is simply having a conversation with God in a way you would anyone else. He is your friend and when we talk to friends, it doesn’t have to be formal. As with any relationship, authenticity and vulnerability are the keys to safety between two people. He wants us to be real, friends.
Asking God to show us where we can change as a mother is critical as well. I don’t know about you, but so often I realize the very situation that is making me pull out my hair is actually being made worse by my own actions. I love this quote from page 27:
“…God revealed to me that I had been entering the battle with my sons, not for them. When they had tantrums, I had tantrums (ugly, but true) right back. I was losing my cool, and in my attempts to just get them to stop and obey me, I was actually teaching them to respond exactly the way they were.”
Anyone else with her on this one? I know without a shadow of a doubt I am.
If we can humble ourselves to the Lord, we can humble ourselves to others. Humility is the key to all safe relationships.
Listening to God comes through prayer but also by reading God’s word. The more we familiarize ourselves with His teachings, promises, and truths, the more we trust Him and the more we trust Him, the more we listen to Him.
Quiet time doesn’t have to be in the morning, nor do you have to read for three hours at a time. Depending on your life season, you might just read a devotional and look up the corresponding scriptures. Or read one Proverb and one Psalm a day – or any part of the Bible for five minutes while you’re locked in the bathroom.
Lastly, believing God can be a challenge at times – especially when you think you’re life is in shambles. I know all about this as I’ve been there, sisters.
Yet I can say it with certainty – He doesn’t work on our time schedule. He works on His and it’s always perfect. Even when it doesn’t seem so perfect when we’re in the thick of it all, it is.
I love the quote Brooke shares on page 34 from Paul Miller’s book, A Praying Life: “Strong Christians do pray more, but they pray more because they realize how weak they are. They don’t try to hide it from themselves. Weakness is a channel that allows them to access grace.”
The power of vulnerability.
I also love the question Brooke poses on 36: “Are our prayers more focused on what we want our sons to have, on how changes in their behavior will benefit us, or what we need to do to help them grow into godly men?”
Ouch. The sweet sting of conviction.
So let’s talk . . . In the comment section, pick at least one of these to discuss:
1. Do you have any ungodly beliefs about who God actually is? For example, do you see Him as an inaccessible father who can only be spoken to in formal language? Do you think He only loves you when we are doing well and behaving properly? Identifying lies we might believe about who God is is important in deepening our prayer life because prayer leads to a more intimate relationship with Him.
2. Which is the biggest challenge for you: talking, asking, listening, or believing?
3. What was something that caught your attention in this chapter?
Don’t forget about our chat on the Facebook page at 9 p.m. on Thursday night . . . We’ll discuss “Going It Alone” next Monday. Pray on, Mama Warriors!
I’m not sure this is a lie about God, but more of a fear of what he will allow to happen in my life to grow my faith and use for His glory. I’m scared of the bad that might happen even though I know He is in control and have faith he will sustain me in every situation. Its hard to grasp that life isn’t about me, it’s about His bigger picture, but at the same time grasp that he deeply loves and cares for me and every aspect of my life. If that makes sense?
This leads me to my biggest challenge of believing. Believing that my prayers can ultimately change the outcome of situations since God is the one in control. For example, my aunt, mother of four beautiful children ten and under, devoted Christian and loving wife passed away from cancer in December. We all prayed, fasted and believed she would receive a miracle of healing on Earth. Even though we had faith, God called her home anyway. His glory was revealed through her life and she did receive healing in heaven, but I struggle that my prayers, my selfish prayers to keep my sons safe and healthy, will have impact on God’s ultimate path for our lives. When our lives aren’t our own but are His, how do I believe my prayers matter? I have been a Christian for many years, I know I need to have conversation with my Father and believe in prayer, but have recently been struggling with this aspect of my prayer life.
Finally, one of the things that caught my attention and convicted me as a mom of a toddler was her quote that you have already called out:
“You see, God revealed to me that I had been entering the battle with my sons, not for them. When they had tantrums, I had tantrums (ugly, but true) right back. I was losing my cool, and in my attempts to just get them to stop and obey me, I was actually teaching them to respond exactly the way they were.”
After reading this, I quickly realized my desperation and weakness to know how to discipline my son in a way that teaches him how he should respond instead of getting frustrated myself.
On my knees I go, to pray for my weaknesses so He can be my strength to fill the gaps where I fail.
Meghann, first of all, I am so sorry about the loss of your aunt. It is indeed true when we see something like this – a woman’s life cut way too short who leaves behind four young children – we wonder what good could ever come and why does God “heal” some and not others?
The answer is, as you stated, He does heal all. Just not in the way we might want Him to heal.
There is some stuff about following Jesus that is just hard to understand. Period. But I go back to these scriptures when I feel this way:
For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts. – Isaiah 55:8-9
and…
Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. – Hebrews 11:1
We can’t always understand His ways because we are limited in our thinking as humans. And when I have those moments when I just don’t understand His ways, I know He is good. Always. He loves us with an everlasting love. He has good plans for us. He has adopted us. I know there is just much I don’t see and so I just trust. Blind faith.
He wants us to cry out to Him, just like we want our own children to cry out to us. He DOES know what is going to happen but perhaps us praying is what aids that plan to occur?
I’m with you, on my knees…
You raise good questions, Meghann. He is with you and there – even through the hard questions that come to your mind. It’s been during those times, those asking of hard questions, when I’ve owned my faith the most and developed a more personal relationship with Jesus. I pray you experience the same.
The statement in the book, “I had been entering the battle with my sons, not for them. When they had tantrums, I had tantrums right back…”
This is so true. I have those exact moments and I tend to loose my cool too and I fear that I am causing more trouble for my son in dealing with issues than I am helping. This was eye opening and such a profound statement.
I want to be more of an example of how he should respond in frustration and in life instead of getting upset.
I am talking to God about this and getting a handle on it – this was an eye opener for me.
Me too, Heidi. Me. Too.
I sometimes think my prayers of asking are purposeless. I can talk and thank and believe. BUT doesn’t God already know the outcome? Doesn’t He already have a plan for my boys? Me asking doesn’t seem like its going to change things as Gods will is going to take place with or without me. My prayers are mostly just repeated thankfulness……
Well…As I answered to Meghann above, He DOES know what is going to happen but what if our prayers actually influenced what happens?
Oddly enough (not really!) my post is on this exact topic tomorrow. We will be looking at the moment when Jesus healed a blind man and asked the man of what he wanted to be healed from – He didn’t assume it was blindness.
He wants us to ask because He wants to hear us acknowledge it.
He DOES have a plan for your boys but you are a huge influencer through prayer, Holly!
Asking is definitely my biggest challenge. I can so relate to the idea of entering the battle with my sons instead of for them. I so often find myself joining in the tantrum because I want my way and to prove my point. That's not what they need and that is definitely not what God wants of me. Yet, in those moments when I'm tired physically or mentally or emotionally or often all 3, all I want to do is yell and spit out words that in the moment make me feel better. And then, the guilt and regret sets in. I am so thankful my 2 boys are such great forgivers and I'm so thankful for God's grace and that He is still working in me! I find great victory when I can overcome my need to scream out demands at my boys and instead, take a DEEP breath and quietly talk to them about the situation or perhaps ignore what is going on. Because you know, most often, the things I get worked up about are really not that important, they are just causing a kink in the way I want things done.
Oh isn’t that so true, Terra? I hear you on the whole “it’s really not a big deal and just a kink in the way I want things done” thing. I had no idea how big of a control freak I was until I became a mother!
Yes, this passage was very humbling and convicted me so. I am trying, really trying.
Baby steps…:)
I think my biggest challenge is all of them sometimes! I struggle mostly with believing that God really has the time to listen to my feeble prayers when there are so many bigger things going on in this world. Why would he answer mine when there are so many other people asking for miracles, healing, grace, safety, etc. Why would he answer my prayer for patience to get through my day on those tough days.
One of the things that spoke to me Meghann and Heidi touched on too.
“You see, God revealed to me that I had been entering the battle with my sons, not for them. When they had tantrums, I had tantrums (ugly, but true) right back. I was losing my cool, and in my attempts to just get them to stop and obey me, I was actually teaching them to respond exactly the way they were.”
I hate to admit but this is totally my life sometimes. After the fact I can realize what I have done and ask for forgiveness but I want to be able to stop me from entering the battle with them. I am supposed to be teaching them how to deal with their emotions, but I can hardly deal with mine sometimes!
I decided to answer question 2 and 3.
First, question number 2: It is a challenge for me to listen. Some say that reading and studying God’s Word is listening. The benefit from that is supernatural. But, I am talking about sitting still, quieting my mind, and waiting……and waiting….. I feel like I have a motor on high idle and can’t “listen” this way. But, that is the area God has called me to grow in. My One Word for this year is “”Be Still”.
Now onto question number 3: I wrote out a list of “I pray because” in addition to what Brooke wrote on page 22.
-because I don’t know anything about boys
-because I can’t stand the noise!
-because my heart needs to be changed bear the fruits of God’s Spirit to feed my two boys
– because it is not about what my flesh wants
And so on.
Debi, I understand how hard it is to listen and be still. You know where God and I have our best chats? When I’m in the shower. No joke. I’m focused and usually in prayer and my children stay away (usually).
Learning to be still is actually a skill and we have to train our minds not to wander. I’m working on it, too.
I love your “I pray because” list…:)
And I’m with you on the noise thing!
Nichole, God cares so much about your own stuff – just as much as someone who is praying for “bigger” things. He sees you. He knows you so well He knows when sit and when you stand (Psalm 119 is a good one for understanding how well He knows you).
1 Peter 5:7 says “Cast your cares on Him because He cares for you.” It doesn’t say only if those cares are big cares – He’ll take them all.
And I hear you on the whole self-control thing…We are disabled by the flesh so we will make mistakes and blow it now and then. There is grace – God knows we will make errors in raising our children because we’re human. That’s where He comes in.
Call out to Him, sister – no matter how big or small!
Actually kind of funny that we are talking about this today. My son has been going through some tough times right nowwith the kids in the neighborhood and in fitting in at church.. It’s been pretty tough on him and to be honest on me too. But God has turned this not so good thing into a teachable moment. Mason and I have been praying together before school and just spending some quality time talking about God and how up our lives. He asked me how do I know what God is saying to me? And I guess that’s where the listening comes in then. Anyways, we talked a lot about prayer and what it is to communicate with God and how he communicates with us. Timely discussion.
That’s awesome, Dana. You are teaching your son to press into God – not just when times are good but when times are hard, too. In times when we just don’t understand why we have to go through what we’re going through.
You are showing him the whole beauty from ashes concept talked about in Isaiah 61 (my favorite chapter of the Bible…:))
I think when we know scripture, when it’s tucked inside our hearts, we are reminded of His truths and promises. I hear Him repeat these to me often when we’re talking so the combination of knowing scripture and prayer helps us get more in-tune with the Holy Spirit. Perhaps doing some scripture memorization would be good right now?
So thankful to hear you are guiding Mason and showing him he is loved and valued – even if others aren’t treating him this way.
Believing is my biggest challenge. I ask for help but with the expectation that nothing will really change a day then I get more frustrated because things didn't change. It's hard to put all your trust and faith in someone other than yourself.
I understand. I have often thought I was a terrible mother or my husband was a terrible dad or God just hated us. He has asked me to praise Him. He has asked me to stop putting anything and everything before Him. He is good, Chelsea and He is working on your heart. Stop looking for change and start focusing on the Lord. Even if nothing ever changes, He is still God and He has blessed it.
Chelsea, I agree with Elizabeth. So very often, I look for big changes and I fail to see the little change, the baby-step change, that’s happening right before me. Those baby-step changes oftentimes have to happen before the desires of our hearts are fulfilled.
I can tell you this: God never, ever, ever hates you. He is for you. He loves you with an everlasting love. He knows you so well He knows how many hairs you have on your head. He knows when you sit and when you stand (Psalm 139)
He doesn’t “make” the bad stuff happen (Satan does that) but He will use it to make us press into Him and be refined to be more like His son.
We are only refined through the heat – much like the clay pots in the kiln.
Prayer works, Chelsea, and He cares for you and loves you!
I think what I have the hardest time with is believing God. Yes, I know that He has plans for my boys and He loves them, but it’s so hard to relinquish control and believe that He will actually change their hearts in His timing and not try to do it myself. It’s hard to believe that God has a situation in His control when it feels like everything is spiraling out of control. And trusting God with the outcome of anything is the hardest part, I think, but especially with my boys. It might not always look like how I want it to look like and the constant worry of the future nags at my thoughts.
But I love what she says on page 35, “If we were to get serious about praying for our boys, what would God do? The possibilities are endless.” That’s SO true! We believe what the Bible says and we do it. Yes! I definitely need to be praying for my boys more specifically and more seriously.
So thankful for a God who loves and cares for us and wants to honor our hearts to raise Godly men.
Yes, it is super hard to relinquish that control because they’re our babies and we love them SOOOO incredibly much and we can’t believe that God could love them even more, right?
I hear you on that one, sister.
Loved that part of page 35 as well and also so thankful for a God of mercy and grace…:)
I struggle to listen as well. I have been reminded to look for restful moments for my heart and mind even if my hands must stay busy. (Anyone else pray over the laundry?) I also find myself entering the battle with my children. I want to overcome that.
I completely pray over the laundry, Kati! I also enter the battle with my children, too. I am AVIDLY working on that…Convicted, for sure. :)
I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter! The most challenging part for me is listening. With the busyness of daily life I find it hard to be still and make time to be in God’s Word (sadly). My son is such a active and fun-loving kid that some days I am wiped by the time nap time and/or bedtime comes around. When I am slow-moving I realize that is when I need to draw near to Him the most! I enjoyed the suggestions Brooke gave to help avoid missing precious time with God.
I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter! The most challenging part for me is listening. With the busyness of daily life I find it hard to be still and make time to be in God’s Word (sadly). My son is such a active and fun-loving kid that some days I am wiped by the time nap time and/or bedtime comes around.
When I am slow-moving I realize that is when I need to draw near to Him the most! I enjoyed the suggestions Brooke gave to help avoid missing precious time with God. My weak and tired self reminds me that I am completely dependent on Him daily and all the good things in this life come from Him and not from me (paraphrase of Brooke’s quote on page 28).
During these moments of weakness I am more prone to react to my little man a lot less graceful. I am very grateful that God is much more patient and loving and more than willing/able to help my husband and I raise up our children to serve and glorify Him.
When our son was born, we thought he was the best baby ever. He slept great, napped perfectly, tried all foods, was never cranky, laughed all the time, listened perfectly. He was a great kid. I had several girl friends who had young children similar in age to our Brandt. They were always talking about how tired they were, how their kids never napped, how their kids wouldn’t eat. Their kids were always the fuss pot of the parties and my husband and I always left embarrassed by how their kids acted when we would go out to eat. We thought, “obviously they are doing something wrong. We are so thankful our precious angel never acts like that!” We thought we were awesome parents. We’ll, then our little girl was born and all those things that went so well with Brandt went SO not well with her. Some kids have crying spells that last 2-3 hours. Addie had crying spells that last lasted months. 6 to be exact. No joking. I really thought I was going to kill her. This kid humbled us in a very short 2 weeks of her life. I prayed everyday, all day, please Lord, please just shut her up for five minutes. Fast forward to today.
Our family has undergone major changes in our son’s 2 1/2 yrs of life. We have moved 4 times, gone through 2 deployments, & added a sister to our world. To say tantrums have made their way into our life would be an understatement, especially recently. He is heartbroken, frustrated, & just plain out mad. Today, was tantrum city. I was praying for help. All day. This evening when I read the words, “Are our prayers more focused on what we want our sons to have, on how changes in their behavior will benefit us, or what we need to do to help them grow into godly men?” I stopped dead in my tracks. I thought about those six months of Addie screaming. I thought about how “terrible” my son’s behavior was today.
Yes, yes indeed that is exactly what my prayers are about, benefits for me. Ouch!
So to me believing, is where I am struggling
And then I reread “God revealed to me that I had been entering the battle with my sons, not for them. When they had tantrums, I had tantrums (ugly, but true) right back. I was losing my cool, and in my attempts to just get them to stop and obey me, I was actually teaching them to respond exactly the way they were.”
And again, I saw my life (especially the 15 Mins before bedtime) written all over the pages of the book.
O Lord, please let the man of God whom you sent come again to us and teach us what we are to do with the child who will be born.” – Judges 13:8. This is my meditation tomorrow.
I am glad to know the same thing stuck out to both of us and we posted almost simultaneously, or maybe not I wrote and left and came back! ;) It’s so hard not to make it about our relief! I am sure it’s ok especially in your situation to ask the Lord for some relief! I know what you mean also about having a baby boy who was practically perfect all through babyhood and then later on completely different. My oldest who was our most easy baby is now our hardest to deal with… He challenges me so much, but I know for a fact it has brought me much closer to Jesus with hands lifted up saying, “what do I do with him?” =) Fun life we have, thankful for HIS grace! =))
Listening is my biggest challenge. I get so caught up in my every day business, that I don't take the time to listen. I pray ALL the time, I'm constantly in "conversation" with Him, but I'm afraid I'm not listening. I feel that I have gotten better, but definitely still a work in progress!
I definitely used to think that God only loved me when I was obeying and doing a good job in life. Not that I still don’t think that, but I have learned a lot since having kids. I have a new perspective of God since having kids. Of course my flesh will come out and I will think he is looking down on me and has abandoned me when I am not perfect or living up to my own expectations, what a lie! I don’t ever abandon my boys when they are sinning or misbehaving, quite the opposite!! I am right by them, helping them through it!
My biggest challenge is definitely listening and many times believing! I want to talk talk talk, praise praise, ask ask ask, and then GO! I have a hard time just being still! In the believing I am limited in my patience and when it’s not in my timing I give up and think God just isn’t answering my prayer….
It’s hard to write just one thing that stuck out to me, there was so many good points in this chapter, I think I underlined half of it! “Are my prayers focussed on what I want my sons to have, on how changes in their behavior will benefit me (oh man yes, all the time!) or on what I need to do to help them grow into godly men?” That was very revelational for me. I talk to God a lot through out the day and I know for sure so many times, it’s mostly about the boys behavior being a certain way so I can get through the day. Raising boys isn’t supposed to necessarily get easy, even though so many times I want it to, it’s about bringing me closer to His throne and making sure I am directing my boys that way and lifting them up to the throne in prayer.
I love how open and honest the ladies in this group are. I to struggle with having a tantrum right along side my son…Oh the regret and anguish I feel afterwards. I am doing all I can through prayer and reading books to understand my children better to change MY actions/reactions. Sometimes I think "other" mothers don't stoop the level of their children…there must be something wrong with me. So..it is comforting to hear that several of you are dealing with this issue as well. We are in this together.
I find my biggest challenge is listening. If I am not intentional about creating some "quiet" time during my day I find I have trouble slowing down so that I can hear HIM. How much better my day goes when I have had some devotional/prayer time in quiet. Recently I have began praying regularly throughout the day amongst the chaos and this too has made a difference..I feel closer to HIM and am hearing his gentle voice more.
I’m a little late to the discussion but a mom of 4 boys (10, 8, 4 and 19 months), currently residing in VA courtesy of the Air Force. Listening is my greatest challenge. It is like I’m afraid God isn’t going to answer my prayers the way I want Him to so I’m stubborn and don’t listen or choose to not hear his answers. I have the time to listen, and obey, if I make the time a priority.
I loved the quote you mentioned above, from page 36. The ouch of conviction gets me more often than it should. A great reminder to start my prayers from a life learning perspective instead of a selfish, what makes life easier for me perspective.
In preparing to give my testimony in our small group, God revealed to me one huge inaccuracy or lie that I had believed about Him. I was raised by my mom and step dad in a legalistic, where grace does not abound, Christian home. I could never do anything quite right or as well as my parents thought I should. Even though I had asked Jesus into my heart at the age of 7, I felt the burden of guilt every single day because I could not measure up. I believed that grace was just for salvation and not afterwards. When I was 13, my biological dad stopped picking me up for our routine every other weekend visits. I never heard from him why or what happened. He never wrote (this was before email and texting), sent birthday or Christmas cards, or called me. So I learned from my earthly father's judgement and abandonment. Last year our small group read Grace Based Parenting and this was, embarrassingly, the first time I heard or understood about God's grace post-salvation. This new revelation has freed me of so much guilt and shame. This has changed the way I parent drastically! I pray that I am able to demonstrate the love and grace God extends to us for my children so they do not have an incorrect view of our Heavenly Father. I find myself frequently talking to God throughout the day asking for his help and guidance or just thanking him for all the little things. I still struggle with the "big stuff" and am still sorting out how to pray the convictions of my heart without feeling selfish.