Last week, we started what we’ve all been wanting to start: praying for our boys.
For each day, Brooke has written a page or two on a specific topic with ten correlating scriptures to pray over our boys and some questions to ponder on each subject.
We prayed for heart change, obedience, overcoming fears, integrity, wisdom, pride, and honor.
Let’s just take a look at overviews from each, shall we?
Heart Change
I loved when Brooke talked about mothers of girls not quite understanding the rowdiness of boys. I don’t mean this to be unkind to mothers of girls because I was once one of them and thought the same thing. “Why don’t they discipline their children?” I would often wonder if I saw boys acting like the Tasmanian Devil from the Looney Toons cartoons.
And then I had a boy of my own and suddenly, my expectations of what is acceptable and what is not changed – in a very good way.
Having boys has forced me to prioritize what is truly important – and it’s usually not what I once thought was so critical in the past.
Boys are boys. How’s that for wisdom? But, as Brooke states on page 58, “…until the King of Kings and Lord of Lords turns your son’s heart of stone to a heart of flesh, his actions will be motivated by what is pleasing to himself rather than by what is pleasing to the Lord.”
Yes. Aren’t we all this way? Heart change is critical if we want to get anywhere – which is probably why we pray for this first, right?
Obedience
This one is critical, sisters. Boys need to be taught to obey because “obedience and submission to authority are normal parts of life. For the rest of their days, our sons will have to submit to someone or something. Even if your son becomes the CEO of the biggest, most powerful company (or country), he will still have to answer to his Maker. Training him now to respect and submit to authority sets him up for success of the greatest kind” (page 63).
I just had a conversation with my grandmother about a boy who didn’t like his baseball coach and felt he had been treated unfairly. He wasn’t in the starting lineup so he walked off the field and didn’t play.
I don’t know all of the details. Maybe he was indeed treated unfairly but this I know: he will need to know how to respect authority because as Brooke states above, it’s an inevitable part of life. I want to raise-up men who, even if they don’t love the person who has authority over them, will still show kindness, respect, and integrity – in essence, a good attitude.
Overcoming Fears
Fear is at the root of all negative emotions. Jealousy, anger, bitterness, and resentment can all be traced back to the fear of something. This life requires courage – courage to stand-up for what is right, courage to follow Jesus, courage try something even if it terrifies us. Those who live in fear, live in chains. None of us wants our boys to live in chains.
Integrity
My three and I just discussed integrity the other day. “What’s inbeggidy, mama?” asked my five year old. After a quick pronunciation lesson, I answered this: “Integrity is doing the right thing – even when no one is watching.” When we do the right thing no matter what, we reveal a heart that has been transformed from stone to flesh.
Wisdom
Of course we want our boys to be wise! We want them to be good men but we also want them to be wise, good men, don’t we? (p.78) This is best taught through everyday life and the myriad of mistakes we make to shape our wisdom. I love the questions Brooke and her husbands ask their boys when they’re arguing:
Who are you choosing to love the most right now? Who are you caring most for in this moment?
Wisdom is born when we can see outside ourselves.
Pride
Pride is a sneaky one and it can wreak massive destruction on careers, marriages, and relationships of any kind – really, anything. While I do want my boys to take pride in their work, I want them to not be prideful – there is a difference.
If we have eyes to see, God will teach us so much more through our mistakes – and this is true for our boys as well.
Honor
Contrary to popular beliefs, chivalry is not dead. Respectful boys who give honor to their family name will be blessing for generations to come.
So for our discussion this week, answer any of the following in the comments section:
1. Consider your own parenting style. Is the way you interact with you son targeting his heart and motivating him toward real heart-change, or do you mainly focus on changing behavior?
2. Why do you think it’s important for men to develop strength?
3. Ask your husband (or another man in your life) what he thinks about letting boys overcome their fears and be adventurous. What are some things you learned from him that can be applied to your parenting?
4. Did you ever give something your best shot and still come up short? How did it feel?
Please feel free to discuss any of the questions at the end of each day’s subject – you don’t have to respond to just these four if there is something you really had on your heart to share.
Next week, we’ll be discussing chapters 8 – 14.
I really like your first question because it’s so thought provoking. As to whether I focus on heart change or behavior change, I’d have to say that often I fail to take the TIME required to interact on the level that is conducive to heart change. Sometimes I’m just going for behavior change because it’s quicker, you know what I mean?
But I do try to talk to my son as well. Since he’s a teenager now it’s easier to appeal to his conscience, and he really DOES want heart change.
Natalie, I hope you are having a better start to this week, and are feeling better.
WOW! Some of these really are on my heart right now.
Question 1. I am always moving in the direction of heart change. If we become successful at this, then the correct behaviors will follow. My son has several issues that stem from being on the Autism Spectrum, several of them being behavior related. I have often had people comment to me in the store or at church that he is so well behaved. I did this on purpose. Early on I focused on words like “Stop”, “Danger”, “Yes, please”, “Obey”, “Forgive”, “Make a better/good/wise choice”, and “All done”. This has helped me when redirecting/teaching him, but has also helped me with heart changing. I am able to see the why’s and how’s of what he’s doing much easier. This helps me redirect correctly. We also pray together, and ask for forgiveness when an unwise choice was made.
Question 2. This is an area of struggle for me right now. I am finding more and more boys, now men, that come off strong. When faced with a situation involving conflict, they have no idea how to stand up for their beliefs or their family. This is something that is causing problems for our family. **I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW HOW THIS CAN BE REVERSED/CHANGED ONCE THEY ARE ADULTS?** I do not want my son to follow this path. His spirit is strong and tenderhearted. He knows that God loves him, and will help him through all things. I want so badly for him to continue to grow this way! Any suggestions?
Q #1 :I think I work on heart behavior more at home than out in public. At home, I can sit down with them and talk to them about their heart behavior. I can remind them of similar situations where they were the one being offended and how that made them feel. Remind them of what the Bible says about how we are to behave and treat others. Out in public however, it can often be difficult to take them aside and discuss the heart issues. And really, I just want the bad behavior to end quickly so that I'm not embarrassed, the child is not embarrassed and and the disruption will end as quickly as possible.
I try to focus on heart change instead of just behavior modification. However, it is not always the case. I read early on with my first about being embarrassed by their behavior in public and have been embarrassed myself but the embarrassment isn’t what’s important to me. I strive to turn these situations into teachable times about sin, obedience, and Christ. I often fail at this and loose my cool. I have asked my boys for forgives many times already. Even in my negative responses I pray God is showing them what grace and forgiveness look like and how we must recognize our need for a Savior! Mom needs Him, Daddy needs Him and so do they!
Question 1. To be honest I never thought about changing heart vs changing behavior before you asked. Thinking about the past couple days, I realized that both my husband and I focus more on changing behavior than the heart. I think part of that is for we expect him to know right from wrong and the correct way to act. But when you focus on behavior change instead of heart change its only surface deep and may be only temporary. I’m glad you asked this question.
Q2 I think people show strength in many ways, physically, mentally, and spiritually. Each strength coming into play at different times in a man’s life. If he understands how his strength goths can build another person up then he is using the gifts God gave him, if he’s using them to boast or tear people down he isn’t really as strong as he thinks he is.
Q3. My oldest sone is 6 and he is full of energy and wants to play and explore all day long. He has taught me to find time for fun during the day, to embrace the day and to try new things. His adventurous side calls to me and I love seeing where he can take us. My youngest is 1 and he has taught me to smile and laugh. He has reminded me of having trust/ffaith like a child. If I can trust God the way my 1 year old trusts me then life is gonna be filled with many more smile wrinkles than worry wrinkles.
Q4
After raising three girls I think I started to understand and seek out heart based change with the youngest girl. I don’t see how I can raise children to know Jesus without addressing heart based change.
how funny , I am playing catch up on my lent letters and I was looking for an inspirational verse for my youngest daughter (23) when I found your web site I have now been distracted and found your praying for boys blogs. I have two sons and two grandsons and I now feel the need to follow as granma ,Cant wait to play catch up and even tho i am in the UK will take notes .
God Bless
Tracy