Trust. It’s a scary and comforting word all at once, isn’t it?
Scary because it involves complete humility and vulnerability and comforting because when it’s present, it’s like wearing an old, comfy sweatshirt on a chilly, fall day.
I’m pretty sure if we have a healthy relationship with God, we know we can trust Him, right? We put Him in a place of high honor and we revere and respect Him. He’s sacred.
Ephesians 5:22 tells us, “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.”
On page 163 of The God Empowered Wife, Karen says, “I loved my husband and trusted him, too, but not in that way. I submitted to him in order to help him be a godly leader – but only because I trusted the Lord. If ‘submit as unto the Lord’ meant God expected me to trust my husband in the same way I trusted Him, I was in trouble. I had seen too many hearts shipwrecked on those rocky shores.”
For years, I held a piece of my heart back from my husband.
I didn’t realize it then but in doing just this, I was holding-on to one little bit of control. As long as Jason didn’t have that last little bit, I was still safe, right?
Because when we hold even one little bit of our hearts back from God, it impacts our relationship with Him. We don’t feel a closeness we think we should feel because there isn’t complete trust.
It was about a six months ago when I realized I was still holding back. Holding back from a man who is the father of my three children. Holding back from a man who committed to love me until death do us part. Holding back from a man who has never given me any reason to hold back from him.
So often, we hold back parts of our heart and we don’t even know we are.
Ever so slowly, I allowed the wall to be chiseled away.
Until one day, it wasn’t there anymore.
And things started to change in our marriage. For the better.
We started to really listen, to really hear the beat of one another’s heart.
Karen states, “As I grew in my understanding of godly submission, the hole in our marriage was filled by God, and experience every bit as life-changing as when our individual God-shaped holes were filled. The emptiness left, the longing was satisfied, and our marriage became a new creation in Christ, empowered by the Holy Spirit and transformed by the love of God” (page 168).
It’s true there is a God-shaped hole in each of us as individuals but when we marry, we become one. And there’s a God-shaped hole in our marriage that only He can fill.
But what if you are sitting here reading this and all you want to say is, “Well, good. For. You. But MY marriage is hopeless and I don’t even feel like I can trust my husband enough to tell him when my next hair appointment is.”
I understand. I once felt the same way you did, too.
The only thing I would say to that is . . . pray for God to soften your heart towards your husband. Pray for him – even if he isn’t kind to you. Ask God to examine your own heart and reveal any of your own sin that could be holding back your marriage.
Trust Him to reveal him.
It could take days or weeks or months or years. But as Karen states on page 167, “I realize, now, how I choose to act determines how my husband responds and how my marriage goes.”
Jason once said something like this to me and I scoffed at him, thinking he was trying to negate his own responsibility.
Yet the higher up, deeper in I go, the more I realize the truth in this statement. I do, indeed, set the temperature of our marriage – like it or not.
And I know I’ve said this before but I have to add my disclaimer: I do not encourage those suffering from abuse to stay with their abuser. Ever. Ever. Ever. If you are being abused, much healing needs to occur to even get to this place. Get yourself away from your abuser as soon as possible and work on healing.
But if you aren’t being abused and you feel like your marriage is hopeless, if you feel like you despise your husband and are repulsed by his every move, if you feel like you can’t be married to him one more day . . . keep going.
“It was not by accident you were born into this generation of spiritual warfare against marriage and faith. It was not by chance you married the man you are now married o. And it was not by coincidence you picked up this book. God has been preparing you every step of the way for the calling He has on your life.” – Karen Haught, The God Empowered Wife, page 169
Can you believe this is our last session? I hope you have experienced the transformational power behind this book. It’s one powerful read.
For our last discussion today, please respond in the comments:
What is your biggest take-away from The God Empowered Wife?