Sometimes it feels like I live in that movie from the 1990’s, Groundhog’s Day (and yes, I know I’m dating myself here).
In it, Bill Murray’s character experiences the same day over and over again.
Which can be true in the life of a woman.
There’s a template we live by and within that template, there are certain things we must do every single day. Pack lunches. Lay-out clothing for the next morning. Get kids up. Feed them breakfast, make sure their teeth are brushed and hair is combed, and do you have your permission slips/homework/Monday folder?
They’re the small details that don’t seem to be making much of an impact – but they are. The daily minutiae that makes me wonder if I’ll ever use my college degree actually has a further reach than that little piece of paper.
But sometimes, it’s hard to remember this. Somewhere between the forgotten lunches and the failed math test, I can become so bogged down with those small details that, truth be told, make me just want to run to the nearest beach and braid hair for a living.
But then a sweet reminder will come along and I’ll feel like maybe I can stay in the game a little while longer before I enroll in a hair-braiding class.
One such reminder can be found in Chapter Four of Lysa TerKeurst’s book, The Best Yes: Making Wise Decisions in the Midst of Endless Demands
So what Lysa’s saying is . . . Those little things build wisdom. And wisdom helps us to make decisions.
Why is wisdom so important? Because “severe choices usher in severe consequences” (p. 45)
Every little choice we make will have a long-term effect – even when it seems like it won’t.
But sometimes, decisions are hard, aren’t they? We think we are making the right decision one moment only to doubt ourselves the next.
In Chapter Five, Lysa works through a decision she had to make about having a young lady who was her dear friend live with her family for a season.
She considered four areas to help her make this decision: physically, financially, spiritually and emotionally.
Her home had the physical space because there was an extra bedroom. Check.
The woman’s small rent payment would have covered any extra expenses that might have resulted from her living with them. Check.
Having this young woman live with them would not drag her family down spiritually. They would not be prevented from attending church, reading their Bibles, or interfering in anyone’s relationship with God. Check.
But then Lysa had to consider the emotional impact. And this is where she stumbled.
And this is where I had my own “a-ha” moment – I so often discount the emotional expenditure of my decisions.
I base my emotional decisions on the short-term without giving much thought to the long-term.
While all of these categories are necessary to consider, it’s our assessment of the emotional energy that would be extolled that ultimately leads us to feel stressed out and burned out. “My attitude of love must be fiercely guarded when considering adding activities. My attitude of love must not be sacrificed on the altar of activity” (page 56).
When Lysa ultimately decided that having this young lady live with her family was not her best yes, she added “This doesn’t make me a bad person. It makes me the wrong person for this assignment.”
So often we feel badly when we say no. We incorrectly think we’re an awful person because we said no. However, we aren’t bad – we just aren’t the right person for the assignment.
Soon after Lysa shared her decision with her friend, an even better option came along. Another friend offered her a condo at a very fair price that was much closer to her school and work.
Lysa’s “no” gave her friend the opportunity to see God’s provision for her. And when we see that God will provide, our relationship with Him grows.
And nothing beats a growing relationship with God.
For this week’s discussion, select one or more of the following to discuss in the comment section:
1. What do you do when you have to make a difficult decision?
2. Lysa said that “Wisdom makes decisions today that will still be good tomorrow.” Tell about a time when you made a decision that ended up not being so good. What did you learn?
3. Is there something that is taking more of your emotional energy than you had foreseen? What can you do about eliminating this? If it can’t be eliminated, have you considered placing boundaries around this so you can have more emotional energy?
4. What stood-out to you in Chapters Four, Five and/or Six?
Join us on Thursday night at 9 p.m. EST for our Facebook discussion over these chapters!
I love, “This doesn’t make me a bad person. It makes me the wrong person for this assignment.” I think I’ll use that next time I feel pressured to make a decision that’s not my best yes. :)
Linking #1 and #2 together, I often use to make decisions with my initial gut instinct and acting upon what I thought everyone else wanted me to do. Many choices in my younger years were based upon what would make the people around me happy rather than what would be best in the long term for me. As I have gained wisdom with age and life experience I have really begun to trace down where my decisions will lead me. What the outcome will be today, tomorrow, next year and a decade from now. That truly does make all the difference. I still fight with that inner people pleaser and reacting to what my heart tells me to do but I am learning to take time to think things through, consult with others (when appropriate), pray, pray, pray and then make my choices. The beauty in making some of the less than optimal decisions I have is that they have allowed me to gain knowledge I would have otherwise been blind too and experience things that have made me a stronger person. I will leave the specific less than perfect decisions out of this post as it is public.
#3 I am currently serving on several boards and hold officer seats, president, chairman, secretary, treasurer. I have scaled down alot in the volunteer arena as my business has grown but have several organizations I have not been able to step away from. I no longer have the time or the heartfelt interest in participating in the capacity I am currently serving in (typing this as I await our youth football association meeting that I am hosting in my office this evening so that we can begin signups and planning the season). It is not a service to myself, my family, or the organizations to continue my involvement at the level I am volunteering as it just feels impossible to complete all the tasks in front of me. I plan to resign tonight from football and will remain involved by shopping for the snack shack and organizing meals and filling other gaps when it fits my schedule. I had already stepped back from youth basketball this year as I agree to handle sign ups and sponsorships and then be done with volunteering there. I am currently serving as chairman for our local school district and a bond measure committee that oversees tax payer revenue and how it is spent on new facilities, etc. and my seat is up for renewal, I will be stepping back from that position as well and taking on a smaller role. All of these things are near and dear to my heart but they no longer fit comfortably in my life or my schedule. I find myself awake at night worrying and wondering how to fulfill all that I need to do. I can certainly say that this book study has really solidified my course of thinking and provided me with greater understanding of the real need to step away and let others have an opportunity to serve and fulfill their roles. In the midst of this I am caregiving for my mother in law who is being listed for a double lung transplant. This includes frequent doctor visits and trips to San Francisco, 4-5 hours from here for treatment. That is proving to be a very emotional role in my life right now, but it feels right in every way that matters and it is where I need to concentrate my “extra” time as opposed to all the other stuff I fill my hours with.
#4 Chapter 6 grabbed my attention and spoke loudly to me. I have texted small pieces of the text, shared it on my Facebook page, and written it in cards. I just love every bit of it and it really touched me deeply. Paraphrased as follows is probably the part that I love the most….Being selfishly quiet today could start a pattern of behavior that you can return to over and over when hard things happen in relationships. Habits of selfish quietness could lead to shutting down communication. Shutting down communication wouldn’t just frustrate, it could potentially fracture a relationship. When you chase down where your decision to be selfishly quiet might lead, it probably is not a place you want to go. Why take even the tiniest step in that direction? BEST PART….The scariest place in a relationship is not when the talking is hard – it is when the talking stops.
Is there anything that stood out to you in this week’s reading?
We’ve got to practice wisdom in the everyday places of our lives (otherwise what good is it?).
Discerning what is best is something we ARE capable of.
I made a decision several years ago that had and had some far reaching consequences that I wish I had sought out God for. But I didn’t.
Since then I realized that I was afraid to make any decisions without a neon green light from God.
Reading that if I take those three steps mentioned in page 36 I can proceed with confidence that I am capable of discerning God’s best yes for me.
When I have to make a difficult decision, I sometimes make that decision with out really thinking it through. In these chapters, Lysa makes a very good point, that it has to be considered physically, financially, spiritually and emotionally aspects of every decision. I often “shoot from the hip” and my husband is asking me why didn’t we talk it through first.
“The scariest place in a relationship isn’t when the talking is hard – it’s when the talking stops.” This makes me think about a few relationships I have failed, because I didn’t stay in touch, or didn’t follow through to be a friend when one was needed. Even scarier, would be not to have that conversation with my husband because I am so stubborn, and would prefer to be quiet, than to talk things over! Lysa is right, those actions become habit, and people shut down instead of talking out an issue!