So thankful for Bethany Grove’s leadership of The Best Yes book study while I’m working to release Heart Sisters. Thank you for writing today’s post, Bethany!
I am thinking about starting a new organization called PPA: People Pleasers Anonymous.
We’ll meet at my house. Unless that’s not convenient for you?
We’ll gather in the morning – unless that doesn’t work for you?
We’ll talk about how it feels to be a part of People Pleaser’s Anonymous – unless, of course, you don’t want talk about that. Because I want to please you.
Hello . . . my name is Bethany and I’m a people-pleaser.
I despise the word “no” – unless I am talking to my children, which is a whole other story.
When people ask me for help, my natural response is to say “yes.” If I even think about saying no my heart starts pounding, my hands get sweaty and fight-or-flight kicks in. All I want to do is fade away into the background.
It’s not pretty.
But, now that you know of my struggle, think about it: a gathering of like-minded people who know the struggle of people pleasing and are ready to commiserate with you?
So maybe the idea of PPA is not such a good one (worth a shot!) but the long-standing problem of people-pleasing still exists. I know I’m not the only one who suffers from the disease to please. Can I get an amen from anyone?
Why is the struggle to say “no” so hard?
For me, it revolves around the thought of disappointing others.
Guilt overtakes me when I feel that saying no will inevitably cause someone sadness or disappointment. Then it seems like things inevitably get awkward between myself and the person needing help.
Luckily, there was a gem hidden within the words of Chapters Ten, Eleven and Twelve of The Best Yes.
This world is filled with people like me – working towards making other people happy by fulfilling their every need, simply because they don’t like to disappoint others.
But oftentimes, we’re missing God’s Best Yes opportunities because we are too scared to say no.
Lysa shares a tip on how to discern what God wants us to do versus what we want to do.
I once believed I just needed to have more confidence in myself and I would be able to say “no” a little easier.
But that’s false – or at least partially false. I know I could always use more confidence but that’s not relevant in this case.
It’s not about knowing my abilities – I know my strengths and weaknesses. But it is about hearing God’s instructions more clearly.
All the yeses in the world won’t bring me closer to God – only the right yeses will.
But this is what I want to most remember from these chapters:
I certainly don’t want to be a worn-out woman. A worn-out woman won’t have time for the important things in life – like relationships with God and her family.
There is nothing in this earthly realm that is more important to me than God and family, so finding the “Best Yeses” in life are vitally important.
And the cost of not prioritizing them is too expensive.
So for this week, please answer one (or more!) of the following questions in the comment section:
1. Are you a people-pleaser? If so, what keeps you from saying no?
2. Lysa talks about Joshua and Caleb in Chapter Twelve – how they came back from a recon mission and gave an answer based upon their convictions. An answer that went against the group of other recon men. Has there ever been a time in your life where you went against the group because you knew it was the right thing to do?
3. In Chapter Eleven, Lysa says “A small no pushes through the resistance of awkwardness and disappointment because it’s better to nip something early on.” Was there a time in your life that a small no would have saved you a whole bunch of grief?
4. Is there anything else that stood out to you in Chapters Ten, Eleven and Twelve?
I’ll tackle the last question because I can relate to a part in chapter 11; when Lysa’s friend desired to be on the board at her YMCA, but when the opportunity presented itself, she had to decline.
I’ve desired to participate in specific things but it looked like it wasn’t available to me. I went on to the next (less desirable…but desirable enough) thing. Then a few days later, the first thing opened to me…but I had to decline because I’d have no margin in my day if I took on both things.
Hi there Natalie! so did you ever start PPA? I’m in another 12-step group and I’m thinking of starting something along these lines… maybe just beginning with a facebook group, and then working to grow it… my name’s Lucas…. please respond – I’ll be devastated if you dont! ;)