“I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.” – Maya Angelou (who is one of my very favorite writers EVER. Just for the record.)

I’m so thankful Heart Sisters: Be the Friend You Want to Have has sparked important dialogue – between us here online, between friends in-real-life and between women in general.

When we listen to each other with an open, humble heart and give and receive grace, then I’m convinced the resulting dialogue will work wonders in changing the female culture that 80% of women believe need to be changed.

Yet we need to talk about something kind of hard today, sweet sisters.

Since the release of Heart Sisters last week, I’ve had few women contact me to say they can’t promote it because every time they do, they get an unkind message from a friend they’ve hurt in the past.

Oh, friends. Let me just say this: I am a justice-seeker. I’m married to a justice-seeker. And we’ve produced three justice-seekers. Lord. Have. Mercy. You can imagine what our conversations can be like.

Justice-seeking is a quality from God, yes. He blessed us with this passionate desire to make things right to be used for the oppressed. The hurting. The broken. The weak.

The down-side to being a justice-seeker is that we want justice in all situations.

You can imagine what sibling squabbles are like in our home with three justice-seekers presenting their cases. In fact, just yesterday I told my children not to be surprised if they come home and find me wearing a black judge’s robe.

If a friend has wronged you in the past, I know it stings. I’ve been on both sides of this equation.

But if we are truly resurrection people, if we really believe in the gospel of Jesus Christ, then we also understand that everyone has the power to do better when they know better.

And there are new mercies every single day.

Joyce Meyer once said “I’m not the woman I want to be but thank God I’m not the woman I used to be.”

I’ve hurt women. I’ve let friends down. I’ve been downright immature and insensitive to my Heart Sisters.

My victims could so easily stand back and say I have no right to pen a book on being a Heart Sister. They could say I’m a hypocrite. They could call me a phony.

Don’t insist on getting even; that’s not for you to do. “I’ll do the judging,” says God. “I’ll take care of it.” – Romans 12:19 (The Message)

But here’s the good news: you don’t have to seek justice. You don’t have to contact someone and say they have no right to post, write or say something because God takes care of all of that for you.

Justice is not your job, sweet sister. And it’s not mine either.

And if you’re on the other end, if you’re the friend who’s being reminded of a choice you once made or a misunderstanding or whatever, then know this: your honor comes from no one but God. See Psalm 62 if you don’t believe me. Read it again and again when you feel the tight grip of persecution.

A Heart Sister doesn’t hold stuff over your head. She gives grace. She has a humble heart. She’s able to see her role in a conflict and listens to you share your heart without judgment or fighting to “be right.”

The only thing a Heart Sister should hold over your head is an umbrella – to shield you when the rain falls too hard.

Umbrella - with text



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