“Jesus Wept” sculpture in Oklahoma City to memorialize the victims of the 1995 bombing
Why on earth is it so difficult to forgive those who have wronged us?
Why do we hold on to so much that will eventually poison our hearts and allow those who have hurt us to have the upper hand and not God?
Why is it so difficult for us to grasp the concept of grace and mercy?
God made us of the flesh and in His image – but not of His character. Our pea-sized brains are so infinitesismal compared to God’s that we will never be able to fully-grasp the answers to some of these questions on this side of heaven. This is the part in which we walk by faith, in which we are sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
We are sinful by nature. We tend to naturally be self-centered. We struggle with humility and we can squelch the dreams of others if we feel a threat in any way.
Yet knowing all of this, I still believe that most of us are inherently good. I don’t believe we are inherently bad though at times we can certainly act as if we are.
In the midst of the “Conflict Festival 2010” I’ve recently been attending, I’m starting to understand that most of us have good intentions. We don’t have negative objectives towards other people and we don’t often mean some of the words we say to come across as hurtful to other people.
In other words, communication is the root of all hurt. Hurt is the root of all ill feelings towards someone else. And ill feelings towards someone else conjure a bitter and angry heart.
One that might forgive – except for “that one person”.
One that is hardened because they’ve been “done wrong”.
One that is closed because by golly, we are not going to be so vulnerable next time.
It is at this moment, at this crossroads, in which we have a choice to make.
Do we forgive and rely on what God tells us about forgiveness? Or do we just let it fester and dry-up like a piece of meat left in a boiling pot far too long?
According to Matthew 5:23-24, we are not even supposed to lay our gifts before God until we have forgiven : “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.
At the same time, we are also not called to be doormats to our transgressor. We don’t have to condone negative behavior for the sake of the gospel nor do we have to be their best friend. In fact, God gives us a good scripture that I find myself repeating when I know I need to set a boundary with an unhealthy person who I have forgiven but need to hold at arm’s length – Proverbs 26:11.
“As a dog returns to his vomit, a fool repeats his folly.”
And yet, He goes even further by offering up words on how He would like us to treat those people who we have forgiven but were forced to set boundaries around so we were not a fool repeating our folly.
Romans 12:20 states, “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”
My grandmother, and in turn, my mother, has always said “Kill them with kindness.”
This is essentially what God is saying to do for the people we like the least. Except I don’t think He wants us to really kill them since He does also tell us that “we shall not commit murder” as well.
On this Multitude Monday, during a season of giving thanks, my list of 1,000 things of gratitude continues. I am so thankful:
171. I have been forgiven by so many people who I have wronged but most importantly, by Him.
172. I have a heart that has learned how to be forgiving restored by Him who has the power to make us as white as snow and wash us completely clean.
173. I have a God who forgives me CONSTANTLY, whose love is always there, who is not short on grace or mercy.
174. I have a husband who needs to forgive me a lot too and he does. Whew.
175. I have children who are fully-grasping the concept of grace because we talk about it so much. We talk about it so much because I need it so much.
176. Girlfriends who are just fun to be with, who don’t require deep discussions and can just “go with it.”
177. I am missing my husband. I’m thankful for this because it makes me realize how much I love that man. (He’s on a hunting trip. I’m a deer widow.)
178. The ability to flip a switch and have heat in my home.
179. Quiet nights alone even though I miss him. (see 177).
180. Rest.
May you have a day filled with grace – for yourself and others. May you have the courage to set boundaries with those who are not healthy. And may you feed your enemy and quench their thirst.
forgiveness, it’s one of those things that is never easy but always pays off and moves us forward in what He would have for us. I am so grateful for our Savior who forgives!
.-= marlece´s last blog ..WHAT A DAY! =-.
Wonderful words to read this morning Natalie! I was just trying to explain this concept last night on a 5 year old’s level. He was literally attacked by a “playmate” and had his head smashed against the wall. He is needless to say, angry about this, even this morning after a good night’s sleep. He doesn’t ever want to play with this kid again, but he was planning all sorts of evil against him. :) I tried to explain that although I will NOT force him to play with the “big fat meanie” (as my son calls him now), he still needs to be nice to him. But he can simply choose not to play with him. “kill him with kindness” was actuallly the phrase that popped in my head at the time. Go Granny!
oh.. my goodness. I literally said to myself on Saturday while doing laundry.. “I am going to pray for those who have wronged me.. and as I said the word enemies.. I thought.. wow.. that is harsh.. do I really have any enemies?”.. at any rate.. many names popped into my head.. You made some excellent points here.. ones that I have heard over and over from my husband. I struggle with liking every one and wanting to get along and be friends with all- despite a conflict.. (that YES.. almost always stems from mis communication. go figure). For what ever reason, God has given me the ability to apologize if I realize I have wronged someone.. (ok.. not ALL the time.. but I do feel a burden if I don’t.) and the ability to forgive(sometimes its hard.. and even harder when they don’t ask for it). I do struggle with the fact that not everyone is like this. not everyone can deal with apologies, forgiveness and then go back to being friends. THAT is what is hard for me to grasp.. it seems so easy when I read scriptures on that.. but alas.. perhaps maybe we’re not meant to be friends.. the whole boundries thing.. I then have to take another stance.. and say. Ok. GOD you bring people into my life.. and you take them out. even relationships are according to HIS plan. I had to laugh because of your dog vomit comment. My husband preached that one. Also as, I was continually reaching out to those who had wronged me.. etc..etc.. he would tell me I had the “boyfriend beated syndrome”.. like I just kept going back for more. =(. A concept hard to grasp.. not everyone can give grace, nor forgive, etc. etc. I have to remind myself to continue to try hard.. and especially to non christians.. to display a Christlike attitude towards conflict.
oh Natalie — did God have you write those words for me today? God always finds a way of getting His point across to me, even when I don’t want to hear the message he is sending…My heart doesn’t want to forgive and yet, I am seeing the negative and ugly that fills up inside me because I haven’t. It is so hard to forgive when you are continually wronged, but you are so right. God’s mercy and grace is endless and I am so thankful that he doesn’t give up on me when I repeatedly wrong him.
Thank you so much for this today Natalie. My mom also used the “kill ’em with kindness” philosphy in our house. It wasn’t until I was much older that I really grasped what she was trying to teach us. It’s so hard when you are young, but I see things so much more clearly now I have children of my own and try to teach these concepts to them (even though I’m just now grasping them for myself). Thanks for the beautiful message. :)
How have I ever missed this amazingly beautiful sculpture? Rips my heart out! Your thoughts on forgiveness cover the gamut…from big huge needs for forgiveness down to those little nagging spots in day to day relationships…great post!
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WOW! I’m dealing with a forgiveness issue right now. I know everything the scripture says about it but my stubborn heart just doesn’t want to let go sometimes. Thanks for this entry, it truly blessed me. Happy week!
.-= Lea Culp´s last blog ..MIscellany Monday =-.