Archives will be published here at MOF for the next two weeks while I take a little life sabbatical and focus on my family….
Originally published on my first blog on February 17, 2008 while pregnant with Spencer….
There are so many things I was not really prepared for when I became a mother – the utter loss of any time to really do anything for myself, the powerful, animalistic desire to scratch the eyes out of anyone who hurts or insults my babies, the body’s ability to survive on an amount of sleep that would have made me scoff in an earlier life.
But perhaps the biggest surprise since becoming a mommy is my complete loss of any privacy while I am, nicely put, using the lavatory.
I am astounded at how quickly every living being in my house can congregate when mommy tries to sneak off to the restroom. Let’s look at an example from just the other day…
I must preface this story with the disclaimer that I am incredibly modest about bodily functions and do not really speak freely about what goes on when I DO use the restroom; however, for the sake of this story, I am going to have to sell myself out a bit and give you the fully monty.
If you have ever been pregnant, you know oh so well the lovely side effect of constipation – one of my girlfriends claims that I must eat prunes and truthfully, I tried it and could not shake the feeling that I was eating an oversized gem from someone’s nose.
My point is that when you are pregnant and you feel that you might actually be able to get some relief in this area, you make a run for it. Luckily, I was at the end one of the best books I have read in a long time (The Used World by Haven Kimmel) and realized that since everyone in my house had just completed breakfast and my husband was peacefully reading the Sunday paper on the couch, it would be safe to steal away to the throne for a bit and take the rare opportunity to actually finish this book and read at a time of the day that I would not normally be able to read a photo caption let alone two to three pages of a book.
I let said hubby in on my plan to steal away for a moment and retreated to the throne room with book in hand. Of course, a good half page into the last two pages, the door to the bathroom is flung open and there stands Missy Moo in her princess nightgown waving her magic wand and telling me that since we are going to church, daddy is coming up to shower and she will get to watch “Dragon Tales”.
Quickly behind her was our lovable WonderDog, Ellie Rose, who beelined it straight to me and came pretty darn close to de-throning me while knocking my book to the ground. I take a moment to get off the throne and turn on “Dragon Tales” for Sarah and after I get back to the throne and into my book, hubby enters the bathroom and begins to engage me in conversation. And while I cannot recall the specific topic that he was trying to cover, I do remember that it was not a light topic – it was not one of those that you can do an “umm-hmm” every now and then while engaged in another activity. I answered him shortly a few times and at about the fourth or fifth question, I lost my cool and said, “I am simply trying to read the last two pages of this riveting book AND attempt to go number two if I may. I can’t have this discussion right now.”
My sweet husband replies with “Yikes, you’re a grouch – I’m outta here”!
I’m left in peace, which is what I wanted all along and at this point, there is no chance that the coveted release was going to occur.
Perhaps it is not the pregnancy that is causing this problem…