Today’s post will feature my submission to the scholarship contest for the “She Speaks” Conference held July 22-24 in Concord, North Carolina.  If you recall, I submitted last year and was not chosen.  However, I like to live by the mantra “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again” so here I am.

Do you know about “She Speaks”?  It’s a conference sponsored by Proverbs 31 Ministries that offers a track for speakers, writers, and leadership of all abilities.  It has been my dream to attend and I’m hoping this year, the dream will become a reality.

Writing.  Just the word…

It releases worry, calms distress, is a salve.  It helps me process His words, encourages me to be “real” with my heart, and offers a “hard copy” of my proof of growth.

And then there are the tough days…the ones in which no words spring forth as I stare at the blank screen. The days I’m too scared to reveal the ugliness that is churning inside, the part of who I am and what I sometimes think that makes me ever-grateful it’s just between Him and me.  The gripping fear of revelation followed by rejection; of honesty followed by condemnation; of hurt followed by salt-in-the-wound.

Ironically, most of these doubts never come to fruition.  The rejection, the condemnation, and the exacerbated hurt is all man-made. Yet there are moments that I find myself still struck by these illogical fears.

Am I good enough?  Do I have what it takes to write?  Really write?  What next?  Where am I going with this?

The world of writing can be intimidating.  Overwhelming.  At times it feels like I’m in a dark tunnel without a light.

But then I’m jolted back to reality because I have a light.

The greatest light of all.  The one that is my stronghold.  My fortress.  My deliverer. (John 14:6, Psalm 18:2)

The one whose light never dims, who assures I will find everlasting love, a light to my path, new mercies everyday. (Jeremiah 31:3, Psalm 119:105, Lamentations 3:22-24)

The one who has made me whiter than snow.  Even in my tragic imperfection. (Psalm 51:7)

The light who has led me out of an abortion, a divorce, an alcoholic and homeless father, his subsequent death.

The one who cut every branch in me that didn’t bear fruit and pruned the ones that did so new growth could occur. (John 15:2)

The one who led me to a gentle man.  The father of my three beautiful children.  The new growth.

The one who always knows the bigger plan – the plan that is good for those who love Him. (Jeremiah 29:11 and Romans 8:28)

“Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.” Psalm 119:105

In this writing world, it’s sometimes a challenge to remember to have just enough light for the step I’m on because I’m a planner, by golly.

But sometimes, we just have to trust His light to guide us on our path. (Psalm 23)

While at “She Speaks” this summer, I hope to be led to where this is going, what I should do next, how this book proposal idea is going to manifest itself and, while I’m at it, how to even write a book proposal.

I need a light for my feet.  And I have one.

He’s illuminating the road to Concord, North Carolina from July 22-24 and He’ll stay “on” while I’m there.  He will be a lamp to my feet, a light for my path.  He will reveal where I should go next – what is to be with this nudge I feel to write and speak.

Thankfully, He won’t change.  But I will.

To read more wonderful “She Speaks” Scholarship entries or to enter your post, visit Lysa TerKeurst’s blog!